


Undoing the Oblivion

by yourlocalhipster



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: Clone Wars (2003) - All Media Types, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Ahsoka Tano Needs a Hug, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Harry Potter Setting, Alternate Universe - Hogwarts, Anakin Skywalker Needs a Hug, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Depression, Everyone is an idiot, Fix-It of Sorts, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hogwarts, Human Disaster Anakin Skywalker, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Obi-Wan Kenobi is a Mess, References to Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008), She's Just Trying Her Best, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, That's Not How The Force Works, except for ahsoka, obikin
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-20
Updated: 2020-07-15
Packaged: 2021-02-23 12:29:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 37,367
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23744764
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yourlocalhipster/pseuds/yourlocalhipster
Summary: Anakin Skywalker was just trying to get by. He had his best friend Ahsoka and a cool room that appeared and vanished like a phantom on the seventh floor of Hogwarts. And he’s certainly not going to let Head Boy Kenobi steal his turf and fuck up his life, no matter how cute that damn seventh-year Hufflepuff is.a.k.a the obikin Hogwarts au where Anakin is an idiot, Ahsoka is trying her best, Obi-Wan (Ben) is a sarcastic fuck as usual, and of course, somehow one misuse of a wand can fuck shit up
Relationships: Anakin Skywalker & Ahsoka Tano, Obi-Wan Kenobi/Anakin Skywalker
Comments: 48
Kudos: 93





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [akatsukiis](https://archiveofourown.org/users/akatsukiis/gifts).



> Hey guys! Although I'm not new to fanfiction writing, this is my first fic in the Star Wars fandom, so I hope you guys enjoy!
> 
> Special thank you to @reylostxr and @starwalkar on Instagram for editing this for me! You guys are the best! 
> 
> Wanna find the author? Find me on Instagram @astroidxedits ! 
> 
> this fic is for macy, my best friend, the anakin to my obi-wan and one of my favorite obikin shippers! :)

“Ahsoka, you won’t believe what I just found!” Anakin slid into the seat next to his best friend in the Great Hall. He got a few pointed looks from the rest of the Gryffindor table - he was a Slytherin after all, but fuck that mentality - he ignored them. 

The second-year girl arched her eyebrow inquisitively. “Did you find Windu’s secret pygmy puff in his office too?” 

“What? No! Wait… how-” 

“N-Not important,” Ahsoka cut in swiftly. “Anyways, back to your discovery?” 

Anakin challenged her unyielding stare with his own, surveying for any weakness to draw on for a more sufficient answer. However, after a few seconds, he knew it was pointless. He shrugged, figuring that he’d have to try again some other time.

The third-year Slytherin leaned in closer so only Ahsoka could hear his next sentence. “I found a hidden room on the seventh floor.” He paused to look around, wanting to be certain that only she heard his next words. “You walk by this wall three times, think of a room you need, and then a secret door appears!”

Ahsoka’s eyes widened. “You’re joking.” 

“Would I be telling you if I was?” 

She gave him an unimpressed look. 

“Okay, maybe don’t answer that,” Anakin said. “I’ll show you after dinner, okay? Here.” Anakin handed Ahsoka a small wrapped up scroll. “Use this if you can’t find me.” 

Ahsoka unrolled the paper to find it blank. She stared at him deadpan. “Really?” 

Anakin laughed. “When you want to use it, tap your wand and say ‘I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.’ Okay?”

“Sounds good, Skyguy,” the Gryffindor replied with a smile. 

  
  


~ 3 years later ~ 

  
  


“Lumos,” Anakin whispered as he ascended the last flight of stairs to the seventh floor. Despite his looming and athletic figure, he made no noise as a result of casting a muffling charm on his feet. 

He sighed in relief as he reached the top of the stairs and held his wand out to light the dark hallway. It looked empty. Good. 

His feet knew the way so he let the rest of his body relax as muscle memory took over. Closing his eyes, the exhaustion of today’s classes became more apparent. He really needed a place with a soft bed and a mini kitchen filled with snacks. Yes, it’s not the most interesting place he’s asked of the mysterious room, but honestly, anyone who comes between him and his resting place can fuck off. Quinlan Vos was annoying enough as his roommate. 

While his eyes were closed, Anakin failed to notice the also wandering figure ahead of him until they barreled into each other. Both of them fell to the floor and Anakin swiftly got up to his feet and was about to point his wand at his unwanted company until he found another wand’s end glaring at his face. 

And then he noticed the face of the wand’s holder. Head Boy Ben Kenobi? What was _he_ doing here on the seventh floor? Before he could actually voice that sentiment, Kenobi had already cut in. 

“Hello there.” 

Anakin huffed as he brushed off the nonexistent debris from his robes. “Hey, Kenobi. I assume you’re going to ask what I’m doing here and then promptly turn me in?” 

“I’m sure Windu would be delighted to see you again, Skywalker,” the ginger replied dryly. “However, unlike the other prefects, I actually mind my own business, so I’ll let you off with a warning.” 

The Hufflepuff lowered his wand, twirling it before inserting it back into the holder on his hip. Anakin raised an eyebrow at the flourish and waited for Kenobi to head off and resume whatever other prestigious Head Boy duties he had. Except, he didn’t move. 

Both stood awkwardly in front of the wall, arms crossed loosely and gazing anywhere other than each other. Shit, this is awkward. 

“Don’t tell me-” Anakin started. 

“Are you trying to access the Room of Requirement?” Kenobi asked. 

“The Room of what? That’s what it’s called?” 

Kenobi sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. “You don’t know what it’s called? It’s in _Hogwarts: A History_ , Skywalker.”

“Pretty sure you’re the only one who’s ever actually read that book.” 

“Actually, no, my Aunt Hermione has read all of it. She gave her extra copy to me when I first went off to Hogwarts.” 

Anakin froze and slowly turned to face Kenobi, whose eyes widened in realization at the slip of his tongue. The Slytherin grinned internally. 

“Your aunt is Hermione. As in _the_ Hermione Granger?” 

“Well- erm,” the Hufflepuff sighed defeatedly. “Yes, my mum is her cousin, so technically it makes me her nephew.”

“No way,” Anakin whispered reverently. He almost wanted to get down on his knees. Uh, wait... what? No, he didn’t. “Uh- that’s really cool. Can’t believe you’re really part Granger, Kenobi.” 

Kenobi shrugged. “My mum says not to make it that big of a deal, and so does my aunt. They always told me that although I’m part Granger, it doesn’t make a difference. I’m still just Ben.” 

Anakin snorted. “Okay, _just Ben_ Kenobi. Head Boy, Captain of the Hufflepuff Quidditch Team, every professor’s favorite student, the most popular and most wanted guy at this school-” 

“Now wait a minute,” Ben interrupted. He arched an eyebrow. “Most wanted guy, you said?” 

“Let’s just say I’ve heard some whispers about you from people here and there,” Anakin mumbled. He was definitely _not_ going to out his best friend’s crush on the dashing Head Boy. Did he just call Kenobi dashing? Anakin shook his head; fuck, he really needed a nap. 

Apparently, he’d said that last bit out loud because the Hufflepuff nodded in response. “It’s been quite a day for both of us. How about we ask for a room with two beds?” 

“And a mini kitchen with snacks, please.” 

Ben chuckled. “And a mini kitchen with snacks,” he repeated to himself as he started pacing back and forth in front of the wall. After Ben’s third round, the door appeared and they both shared a tentative look before entering. 

The Room of Requirement did not disappoint. Two equally soft-looking queen beds, one with green covers and one with yellow covers. And, of course, Anakin’s mini kitchen. Ben had even added a flat-screen TV and a small table with two seats. 

“Nice!” Anakin exclaimed as he headed immediately for the mini kitchen and started whipping up some microwavable macaroni and cheese. 

Ben rolled his eyes as he flopped down on the bed with yellow covers, turning on the TV and putting on a nature documentary. One day he’d teach Skywalker how to cook _real_ food rather than the uncivilized processed filth that can be made under five minutes. 

When Anakin seated himself at the small table, gladly digging into his mac and cheese, Ben found his gaze wavering from the scenic shots of a rather pleasant segment on penguins to his newfound company. He studied the Slytherin’s mannerisms, the way he shoveled ungodly amounts of that mac and shit into his mouth, the constant jitter in his left leg, and how he always had to shake his head to tame that unrefined mullet - borderline lion’s mane - of hair that crowds his lovely face. 

Did he just call Skywalker’s face lovely? Ben just shook his head, shedding just his robe, realizing he was still in his uniform. Oh. He wanted to flick his past self in the forehead for not bringing pyjamas. Kenobi, you really are an idiot. 

With his back facing Skywalker, Ben shot a quick glance to see if his company was watching him. Fortunately, the blonde Slytherin was still enjoying his late-night snack. Ben made a quick move to unbutton his top and shed his clothes, toeing off his shoes, socks, and then shimmying out of his pants at a record-breaking time of 15 seconds. Go Kenobi! 

Ben launched himself under the covers to hide his shirtless form, a deep red blush etching its way onto his cheeks. His eyes shifted towards Skywalker, who was now washing his fork at the sink. Thank Merlin. 

As Ben turned to his side away from Skywalker, he failed to notice the blue eyes that were now gazing in his direction. Ben eyed the potion he had set on the nightstand, opting to not take it this time. An overwhelming desire to sleep fell upon him, a rare occurrence. For the first time in a while, after a few silent minutes of meditation, Ben closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep.

  
  


~ 

  
  


“Skyguy!” 

Anakin stopped in his tracks. He cast a Tempus and shrugged. He had a few minutes before Potions. Plus, it was Professor Plo. He wouldn’t mind too much if he was a little late, especially if it was because of his own daughter. 

“Snips?” Anakin replied automatically, turning to face the fifth year Gryffindor. 

“You on for some training tonight in our usual hangout?” she asked with a grin on her face, punching his arm lightly.

Anakin was about to reply “sure” before he stopped himself. What if Kenobi showed up again? Shit, they hadn’t established any sort of arrangement for the room. Was it a one-time thing? Was it an unestablished regular occurrence? Shit. Shit. Shit. His brain scrambled for an excuse as the grin on Ahsoka’s face slowly melted into a look of concern. 

“Anakin?” 

“Uh- sorry!” Anakin blurted out, starting to back away. “I have a lot of homework to do, so if you’ll excuse me-” 

“But-!” 

“Sorry, Snips, can’t be late for Plo’s class! I’ll talk to you later!” Anakin shouted as he bolted down the hall. Merlin, that was close. The relief was short-lived though and the anxiety kicked back in again when he realized that he’d practically just invited Ahsoka to investigate tonight. _Shit._

He cast a Tempus and sighed, realizing he was going to be late. Dejected, Anakin trudged down the staircase into the dungeons for Potions. 

  
  


~ 

  
  


Anakin was an idiot. But was it his fault that he held some hope for possibly seeing Kenobi again? Okay, so maybe Anakin was now starting to understand why so many people fell for the Head Boy. Padme would have definitely laughed at him, but whatever. Fuck what Padme would say. She could go eat hippogriff shit for all he cared. 

And shit, Ahsoka could _not_ know. She had a giant mega crush on Kenobi. Anakin didn’t need her confirmation to be able to tell since the fifth year could never shut the fuck up about Ben this, Ben that. Whatever. 

Deep in his thoughts, Anakin nearly yelped as a hand reached out and pulled him down into a corridor and up against a wall, his panicked voice muffled by a hand over his mouth. 

Anakin elbowed his assailant and drew his wand only to find- Kenobi? The Slytherin huffed and lowered his wand as the ginger seventh year clutched his stomach in slight pain. 

“You hit hard, nice defense mechanisms,” Kenobi commented lightly as if he wasn’t reeling in pain from being elbowed in his abdomen. Speaking of which, felt quite firm- Anakin snapped his thoughts back together. 

“You see, I wouldn’t have needed to use them if you didn’t shove me into a corridor like a kidnapper,” Anakin retorted. 

Kenobi simply rolled his eyes and cast a privacy charm with his wand. “If it weren’t for me, your best friend Tano down there would have seen you and I’m guessing you’d probably be in a more unpleasant situation. 

Anakin’s eyes widened and he heaved a sigh. Of course, Ahsoka was now looking for him. He peered around the corner to find the familiar black hair tied up into two plaits that sat on top of her head. She was pacing in front of the wall, chewing on her lip thoughtfully. 

“She’s looking for me,” Anakin confessed. 

“Oh really? I hadn’t noticed.” 

Really, Anakin tried to fight the urge to roll his eyes at the Hufflepuff’s sarcasm. “I may or may not have done a shit cover-up of acting like I didn’t have plans for tonight. And it’s not like we really settled on whether last night would be a regular thing or not. Is it?” 

Ben, the fucking bastard, ignored his last question. “Quite a way with words you have, Skywalker.” 

“Okay, Yoda.” 

He earned an exasperated look from Ben, which left Anakin feeling - satisfied? thrilled? both? 

Ben rubbed his chin thoughtfully before he said, “I have an idea.” 

  
  


~ 

  
  


Ahsoka rested her weight on her left foot, placing a hand on her hip and casting a Tempus. Midnight. Where the hell was Skyguy? 

She huffed and swept her eyes down both sides of the hall for probably a tenth time. Whatever her best friend was up to, it seemed suspicious. She had to investigate, which led her here. She thought she heard someone come down the hallway, but when she searched and lit her wand, there was no one. Weird. 

Sighing defeatedly, Ahsoka was about to head back to Gryffindor Tower when a voice behind her said, “Stop where you are.” 

Ahsoka gripped her wand in her hand and utterly cursed herself. _Shit._ She turned around slowly and met Ben Kenobi’s eyes. _Double shit_. She ordered her body to react normally. 

“Ben Kenobi,” she said awkwardly as her right arm held her left elbow, not quite meeting his eyes. Nice, great socialization skills, Ahsoka. 

“May I ask why you’re out so late?” Kenobi inquired almost conversationally, his wand still lit as he took a casual step forward. Damn, Ahsoka wished she could record this moment. Being a subject to Kenobi’s charms? Absolutely legendary. 

“Um- I-I was waiting for a friend,” she managed to reply somewhat convincingly. 

“A friend?” Kenobi lowered his wand, giving it a twirl and tucking it into his holder. “Out here in the open like this?” 

“Uh… yeah.” 

“Well,” Kenobi took a few steps forward until he was close enough to Ahsoka that was friendly yet noninvasive. “I’ll let you off with a warning, Ahsoka.” 

Ahsoka sighed and felt her shoulders sag in relief. 

“But next time, do set up a time before curfew so that I don’t have to bring you to Professor Windu, or worse yet, Professor Plo.” Kenobi’s eyebrows knit together and his lips melted into a small frown. 

Ahsoka’s eyes widened. Oh god, not her dad. She’d never leave Hogwarts if he found out she was sneaking around with Skyguy at night. Merlin, the things he would think. It took years for her dad to fully warm up to Anakin after frequent reassurances that they were just friends. 

“Thank you, Kenobi. I-It won’t happen again.” Ahsoka ran down the hall and back towards Gryffindor Tower, the panic of being caught again overriding her searing curiosity of what the hell Skyguy was up to. 

  
  


~

  
  


After a few seconds of waiting, Anakin finally emerged out of the corridor. 

“Damn, Kenobi, I gotta admit. That was good.” 

Kenobi just smirked and raised an eyebrow at him before he closed his eyes and started pacing in front of the wall three times, the door appearing. 

This time, along with the previous setup, Kenobi included a soft plush rug, two wardrobes, and a bathroom. Anakin preferred this slightly more cozy setup compared to the barren version last night. 

Anakin immediately headed for the kitchen, ready to make his usual mac and cheese. Kenobi decided to grab some more comfortable clothes from one of the wardrobes and head towards the bathroom to change, emerging in a white T-shirt and grey sweatpants. 

_Kenobi in sweatpants. This is not a drill. I repeat this is not a drill._ Anakin blatantly ignored his own annoying thoughts and tapped his fingers anxiously on the counter as he waited for the macaroni to finish heating up in the microwave. 

Anakin was just about to open the small packet of powdered cheese before Ben somehow appeared next to him. 

“I wouldn’t use that packet at least if you’re going to eat this rubbish,” Ben said, plucking the packet out of Anakin’s hands and using his wand to levitate it towards the trash can. 

“Hey!” Anakin protested. “I’m perfectly fine with rubbish mac and cheese,” he replied, his American accent quite comical when saying the word ‘rubbish.’ Ben almost successfully kept himself from snorting. 

“At least let me show you a slightly better alternative.” 

Anakin rolled his eyes and stepped away from the still-hot plastic bowl of mac. “Whatever you say, Master,” he said jokingly. 

Ben rolled his eyes as he checked the fridge and found exactly what he was looking for, a considerably-sized block of sharp cheddar cheese. Ben scanned the kitchen and wordlessly used his wand to summon the cheese grater from the top cupboard. 

“Hey, you’re pretty good with nonverbals,” Anakin noted. 

“Thank you,” Ben replied as he also summoned a wooden slicing board and set the grater and cheese on top of it, beginning to grate the cheddar. “I’ve heard from some of my peers that you’re quite good at combat and dueling.” 

“Oh, uh, really?” Anakin felt the tops of his ears flush red at the compliment. His hands gripped the edge of the counter more tightly than usual. 

“Yes,” the ginger nodded. “My friend Quinlan, he’s part of your dueling club and one of your roommates, I believe. He always tells me about your amazing footwork and, I quote, ‘lightspeed ability’ when it comes to dodging his spells. You have good reflexes.” 

“Thanks,” Anakin said in disbelief. “I’m only good at it when I’m really paying attention, which only happens during dueling club.” 

“Ah, that’s the challenge, isn’t it?” 

Anakin nodded, not sure what to reply to that. He was never good at constantly being focused, having the attention span of a gnat. 

“So here’s the alternative,” Ben’s voice cut cleanly through the strangely settled silence. “If you still want to prepare macaroni and cheese with a microwave, toss the packet and use real cheese instead to mix into the pasta. It’ll taste a lot better, and it’s much healthier for you.” 

Ben nudged the plastic bowl of now mac and “real cheese” towards him, gesturing with his hand for Anakin to give it a try. Anakin took a bite and was convinced that heaven was now a real thing, and it came in the form of this mac and cheese. Merlin, this shit was good. 

He could practically feel Ben’s self-satisfied grin and his pair of grey-blue eyes watching as he dug into this mac and cheese, but Anakin found that he didn’t give two shits. This was some next-level culinary skill he’d definitely use for next time. 

After finishing his bowl, Ben offered to wash the dishes, leaving Anakin time to change. Unlike Ben, however, Anakin had no shame in just stripping right in the middle of the room. Shedding his robes, shirt, and pulling down his pants, the Gryffindor stalked over in his stark underwear towards the wardrobe and took some time browsing his options. Ben intentionally kept his eyes down towards the sink. He succeeded for the most part. 

Once Anakin was fully clothed in more comfortable garments, Ben sat on the plush rug cross-legged and closed his eyes. “I’m going to meditate if you don’t mind.” 

Anakin’s eyebrows knit together in confusion. “Meditate?” 

Ben simply nodded. “A practice of clearing your mind completely and only focusing on your breathing.” 

“That sounds like utter torture.” 

Ben huffed. “With someone of your nature, perhaps.” 

“Now wait just a damn minute-” 

Ben took out his wand and cast a silencing charm around him, blocking out the rest of Anakin’s protests. The Slytherin rolled his eyes and shrugged, opting for a shower before heading to bed. 

When Anakin finally emerged from the shower, he found Ben sinking into his bed, a nature documentary playing on the TV. 

“Had fun meditating?” Anakin called out as he finished assaulting his hair with a towel and draped the towel on his bed frame. 

“Quite,” Ben replied shortly, shifting to lay on his back. 

There was a short moment of silence as Anakin sat on the edge of his bed, his back facing Ben. “What does meditating do for you anyway?” 

“As I said, it clears the mind-” 

“No, I mean _why_ do you do it?” 

Ben didn’t answer right away; Anakin was starting to get nervous that he had pressed too hard when Ben finally answered quietly, “I-I don’t know. I’ve always done it since my, er, friend taught me how before I went off to Hogwarts.” 

“Oh,” Anakin nodded, easily accepting that answer. “That’s cool. Maybe you can teach me that too sometime?” 

“Maybe,” Ben’s reply felt more like an echo than an answer. The Hufflepuff then turned on his side, facing away from Anakin. Bedtime it was, then. 

With a wave of his wand, Anakin turned off the lights and got under the covers, sleep claiming him rather quickly. 

  
  


~

  
  


The next morning was a Saturday, which fortunately meant less of a rush for both of them to get up. Anakin had briefly awoken at the sound of Ben shuffling out of bed. He had cast a Tempus and groaned at being woken up at practically the crack of dawn, so he simply went back to sleep. 

An hour later, Anakin woke up again to the smell of a rather mouth-watering breakfast. He groggily sat up and rubbed his eyes, his attention turning towards Ben whipping up some sort of grand feast like he was the reincarnation of Gordon Ramsay himself. Honestly, Anakin wouldn’t be surprised if he was somehow related to the world-renowned chef too. 

“I cooked us some breakfast if you don’t mind,” Ben said as he carefully transferred the poached eggs - poached eggs?!?! - onto two toasted rolls with ham on top. Then he ladled some appetizing yellow sauce of some kind on top of the poached egg rolls. He placed the two plates on the tables and gestured for Anakin to sit. 

With both of them seated at the table, Anakin immediately dug into his breakfast while Ben consumed his at a considerably slower pace. 

“Damn, Kenobi, you sure you’re not also a Ramsay?” 

Ben laughed. “No, unfortunately not. I just like to cook.” 

“Can you cook for tonight, too?” Anakin asked offhandedly. 

Ben fell silent. Anakin was confused until he- oh shit. Yeah. They never discussed if this was a regular thing or not. 

“I’m sorry, I-” 

“No, it’s fine,” Ben reassured. “Actually, I have been meaning to discuss this - erm - arrangement with you.” 

Anakin lifted his eyes to indicate he was listening as he was still deep into devouring his breakfast. 

“So,” Ben started, “I think it’s quite obvious that we both don’t really like our current living situations, so I suggest we do this three times a week to avoid suspicion.” 

Anakin nodded. “Sounds good,” he replied through mouthfuls of the egg. “Which days?” 

Ben slightly wrinkled his nose at Anakin’s table manners - or lack thereof. “I was thinking maybe Monday, Friday, and Saturday? I find it quite nice spending a weekend here after a long day of classes.” 

“Yeah, that’s fine,” Anakin agreed. “I’d be down for that.” 

A small smirk etched onto Ben’s face; the Hufflepuff held out his hand. “So we’re in agreement then?” 

Anakin returned the smirk with one of his own and grasped Ben’s hand, shaking it firmly. “Yeah, I guess we are.” 

  
  
  


~

  
  


As weeks passed with both older students going undetected by both Ahsoka and professors, their hangout space progressively became cozier and cozier. It first started with Ben adding bookshelves and a couple of desks for studying. Soon Anakin had requested to add a small training space for him to work out and practice his dueling. Sometimes Anakin would drag Ben to duel with him. Other times, Ben would encourage (force) Anakin to do his homework, even tutoring him on some more advanced concepts. 

Another fine addition was the expansion of the mini kitchen into a full kitchen, allowing Ben to cook for the pair to his heart’s desire, ranging from simple spaghetti to beef wellington on a Friday night after a particularly hard day of classes. Anakin devoured all of the food enthusiastically, finding himself eating less and less at the Great Hall.

However, the gradual absence of Anakin’s presence around Hogwarts, especially at the Great Hall, did not go unnoticed by Ahsoka. 

It was a seemingly regular Friday evening in Hogwarts as Ahsoka sat down at her usual spot at the Gryffindor table. She sighed and placed an elbow on the table leaning her head on her hand. She had noticed that Skyguy wouldn’t come to dinner on Friday nights anymore, which immediately garnered suspicion since the sixth year loved to eat. A lot. 

It had happened first in early October, and then he’d be back Saturday evening. Then he’d be gone again on Monday. Something felt off. 

Then Ahsoka saw it. A glimpse of Anakin. There was his best friend just outside the Great Hall. She smiled expectantly until he saw him walk right past the doors and towards the direction of the staircase. Her eyes narrowed in confusion. Weird.

The Gryffindor shoved the last bits of roast turkey and gravy into her mouth before quickly leaving the Hall, casting a silencing charm on her feet to not be heard - learned from yours truly. She peered around the corner as she watched Anakin head past the grand staircase and down an abandoned hall. Even weirder. 

Ahsoka was about to show herself when she saw Anakin open up a secret passageway and swiftly entire inside, the secret entrance closing behind him. Well, shit. How was she supposed to find Anakin now? Then she remembered. 

_How could I be so damn stupid?_

As Ahsoka sped through the castle and finally arrived at her door, she barely heaved out the password to the portrait of the Fat Lady, who let her in warmly, and rushed up to her dorm. Luckily, it was empty. Thank Merlin. Ahsoka ripped open her trunk and stuck her hand in, scouring the bottom until she felt the familiar paper graze her hands. _Found it!_

Ahsoka wrenched the parchment - surprisingly unscathed - from the bottom of her drawer and sat on the edge of her bed. She took out her wand and tapped it, whispering “I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.” 

The map revealed itself, showing hundreds of names marked with dots moving around like ants on the Hogwarts map layout. She scanned her eyes for Anakin until she found her best friend’s name on the seventh floor, next to- Kenobi? 

Ahsoka’s eyebrows raised in even more confusion. What was Skyguy doing with Ben Kenobi, of all people? Then Ahsoka reasoned that maybe Skyguy was getting a warning from the Head Boy about being on the seventh floor. That made a bit of sense. 

“Mischief managed,” she said, the map slowly becoming a piece of blank parchment again.

Not having the energy to run laps inside Hogwarts again, Ahsoka let it slide. She did, however, stash the parchment on her bedside table, just in case. _Someone_ had to look out for Skyguy. 

  
  


~

  
  


Anakin was going through his drills in the training area while Ben poured over mountains of parchment and textbooks. Stopping in his tracks and feeling rather sweaty and gross, Anakin cast a Tempus. 4 pm. He’d been at it since 1, he should probably stop now. He gulped down water from his water bottle and used the towel draped on a hook nearby to dry the sweat dripping down his face and neck, and then the rest of his bare torso. 

The pair had grown comfortable with being at least less clothed around each other than the average student acquaintance could endure. Ben had become accustomed to just changing in the room without running off to the bathroom, and Anakin no longer blushed as hard whenever taking off his shirt when Kenobi was “not” looking. 

They had fallen into a pattern for Saturdays like this, which mostly consisted of them keeping to their own separate activities usually until dinnertime. Then Ben would start gathering ingredients and Anakin would gradually wander over to the kitchen out of curiosity, sometimes putting in requests for the Hufflepuff. Ben always fulfilled the Slytherin’s fancies, mostly because he couldn’t find the heart in him to say no. 

Anakin also noticed that after a few weeks of spending time together, the Head Boy seemed to warm up a little bit more. His body language wasn’t as rigid and he would slip up his words more often, responding more with softer looks to Anakin’s sarcastic banter, before shooting back his own snark reply. He never could leave without the last word. 

“What are you making this time, Chef Kenobi?” Anakin asked, leaning forward on the counter and watching Ben lay out his ingredients in his usual organized fashion. 

A small smile melted onto Ben’s face at the nickname. “Your favorite.” 

Anakin scrunched his face up in confusion. “Roast pork?” 

“No, you idiot,” Ben said with less sarcasm and more fondness. “Macaroni and cheese.” 

“Ohhhh.” A wide grin split across Anakin’s face like a glowing crevice. “I don’t see the plastic microwavable macaroni and cheese bowls at all though,” he said teasingly. 

Ben rolled his eyes. “So uncivilized, that is. Using a microwave when you can make it all from scratch to your own liking. I call this ‘the Kenobi macaroni and cheese.’”

Anakin raised an eyebrow amusedly. “Did you really just say Kenobi macaroni and cheese out loud to me?” 

“Perhaps.” 

Both tried to hold in their laughter. Anakin failed spectacularly, letting out howls that resembled hyena noises. Ben fared somewhat better, but not by much as he started giggling profusely at his own ridiculous coinage of “Kenobi macaroni.” 

Eventually, _eventually_ (5 minutes later), they both calmed down and Ben resumed grating his cheese and boiling the elbow pasta. Anakin sashayed up to Ben, feeling a bit confident, and stood borderline uncomfortably close to him. Their eyes met and Ben didn’t know if it was the boiling pot of pasta or the tension in their eye contact radiating this heat. Probably the boiling pasta. 

His eyes were so unequivocally blue, so striking and distinct that Ben could probably make Anakin out by just looking for his eyes. And here they were, right in front of him. Merlin, he couldn’t look away. 

Finally, Anakin broke the silence. 

“Anything I can do to help?” He asked, a bit more gently than usual, with an undercurrent of something more sensual as well. Ben didn’t know how to verbally react to that, but boy did the rest of his body know what to do, to his chagrin. 

“Erm-” He was at a loss of words. Why couldn’t he look away? It was just Anakin. A good friend of his. An infuriatingly attractive good friend, his brain added helpfully as his eyes subconsciously swept down to the Slytherin’s lips. 

Oh, how easy would it be to lean in and erase that tantalizingly small distance between them. Damn, he wanted it so badly. Anakin still hadn’t looked away, his eyes now twinkling with a subtle hint of curiosity, wonder, and heat. His irises were barely visible now, his pupils so dilated that they nearly engulfed all the space. 

Ben swallowed. _Oh._

The beep caused Anakin to jump and Ben to bristle, yanking his thoughts back to the task at hand. Right. The pasta. Ben used a spoon to test the texture of the elbow pasta, deeming it satisfactory before turning off the heat and pouring all the contents of the pot into a strainer in the sink, letting the pasta dry. 

Ben then resumed grating the different cheeses. He had amassed not just cheddar cheese this time, but also Monterey Jack and aged Gouda. He was going all out for tonight. Anakin had received high marks on his most recent Transfigurations practical, warranting some sort of celebration. Ben considered adding alcohol on the list and maybe adding Sunday night as an extra so they wouldn’t be stumbling back to their dorms wasted in the middle of the night. 

As Ben continued through the process of preparing all the components for the mac, Anakin decided to put a knife to butter and slice the thick tension in the room. 

“Okay, Kenobi, seriously, where’d you learn to cook like this?” 

Ben had finished making the breadcrumbs with a food processor and poured them into a separate bowl. “My mum. She taught me all her recipes.” 

“That’s cool. I wish I learned how to cook when I was younger.” 

“Didn’t your parents ever teach you?” Ben asked as he started on the roux, melting butter overheat and adding flour while whisking the mixture. 

“I didn’t really have parents when I was young,” Anakin replied absent-mindedly, only realizing the impact of his response when he heard Ben stop whisking.

The ginger turned to face Anakin, a crestfallen look shadowing his face. “Anakin, I’m so sorry. I didn’t know. That was an oversight on my part and I apologize.” 

Anakin shook his head and waved off the response. “Nah, it’s alright. To clarify, I did have parents. My dad abandoned me and my mom when I was born, and my mom died when I was nine. Both of them were muggles but my mom had some relations with wizards. My mom had relatives here in the U.K. who were squibs and they took me in. And when I got my Hogwarts letter, needless to say, they were ecstatic for me, but also really sad, you know?” 

Ben nodded in understanding, slowly resuming his whisking, although not as intensely as before. “Yeah, I get that. My dad was a pureblood wizard but my mum was a muggle. When he fell in love with mum, his family disowned him. So when I was born, he took up my mum’s family name instead, Kenobi. And when I got my letter, my mum hated to see me go so far away at such a young age, but she had accepted it and promised to teach me all of her favorite skills, like cooking.” 

“Heh,” Anakin smiled. “You’re damn good at cooking, I can tell you that. I’m sure your mum must be proud.” 

Ben returned the smile warmly, resuming the mac n cheese. Anakin took some time to stretch, dwelling in the comfortable silence. Finally, Ben put the mac n cheese in the oven and set a timer for 50 minutes. 

“Hey, while we’re waiting, maybe you could teach me how to meditate?” Anakin requested. 

“Sure,” Ben said with an upward quirk on the corners of his lips. They made themselves comfortable on the plush rug in front of their beds, both seated in cross-legged positions facing each other. 

“So the first thing I do is take a huge deep breath in,” he breathed in, “and then out.” 

Anakin nodded and did as Ben instructed, smiling slightly as his nostrils acted as a vacuum taking in all the air into his lungs. Then he breathed out sharply. 

“No no no, slowly breathe it out,” Ben corrected. 

Anakin rolled his eyes lightly before trying again. 

“You want it to be gentle and slow.” 

_I know what else I’d like gentle and slow-_ Anakin shook his head. He took another deep breath in and slowly exhaled, allowing his upper body to sag slightly. 

“Much better. Now I want you to try to focus only on your breath. And one thing my- uh- friend taught me is that if you have any lingering thoughts, it’s okay. Treat it like a fish swimming by. Acknowledge the thought and then let it go.” 

Anakin found that imagery interesting. It reminded him of the huge underwater windows back in the Slytherin Common Room. He felt his face scrunch up in distaste. He much appreciated being here with Ben rather than in his own dorm with his stand-offish roommates. Sure, Ben was also stand-offish at first, but that was _different-_

“Your thoughts are wandering again,” Ben pointed out calmly. 

_How the fuck did he know?_

Anakin sighed and took another deep breath in and then out slowly. He tried to relax the tension in his face and clear his mind again; it sort of worked. Well, as much as trying to wipe a dirty slate with a dirty rag. 

He tried to clear his mind, but his thoughts would then wander off to something else, Ben would bring him back, and then the cycle would repeat itself on a torturous loop. 

Now somewhat frustrated, Anakin groaned and stood up. “I’m not good at this, Ben. How do you manage to sit still for that long?” 

Ben’s eyes passively observed the tall blonde Slytherin as he clenched his fists in his mangled nest of hair. Realizing that it was futile to practice the rest of his meditation with a pouty Anakin, Ben also rose to his feet and put a hand on Anakin’s shoulder. 

“It takes a lot of practice to be able to empty your mind completely, Anakin. I remember my first time I couldn’t do it either. It’s a lifestyle that you need to slowly acclimate to, but it’s not easy. Especially since it goes against our natural instincts.” 

Anakin’s shoulders sagged and he lightly brushed Ben’s hand off of his shoulder, turning to face the seventh year. “It’s hard for me to focus though. My attention span is so short and I feel like my thoughts are racing all the time.” 

“I understand,” Ben said with an uncharacteristic depth to his voice. “It can be difficult to control your mind, but I promise you, with time and with practice, you’ll be able to do it with ease. And the benefits from learning how to do it are plentiful, I assure you.” 

Anakin gave Ben a wry smile. “You talk like you’re some sort of professor or therapist or something. Are those professions you’re interested in?” 

“I was actually thinking more about working with dragons.” 

“Dragons?” Anakin pulled back in surprise, his eyes wide. “I’d never take you for the type to work with dragons. I thought you’d be like the next Minister of Magic or something.” 

Ben chuckled and smiled, shaking his head. “Oh no, I’m not brave enough for politics.” 

Anakin snorted before shoving Ben lightly with his shoulder. “Now I think a week ago you wagered some firewhiskey if I got high marks on my practical?” 

Ben tsked and shook his head again. “Of course that’s one of the few things your brain is willing to remember. So eager to experience the full perks of adulthood, are we?” 

“I turn seventeen next year. July 25th, to be exact. Then only one year to go,” Anakin noted as he watched Ben take out a bottle of firewhiskey and two shot glasses. “How about you?”

“Just turned seventeen recently. October 3rd.” 

“Damn, that means next year I can’t have sex with you until I turn eighteen.” 

Ben snorted, pouring the shots and also putting together a small bowl of crisps and pretzels for them. “Have to get some food in our systems first.” 

“Yeah, yeah, okay,” Anakin said teasingly. He snacked on a handful of pretzels and crisps with Ben before they started their shots contest. Whoever got to six first without getting completely and utterly wasted. Essentially, who could hold their alcohol better. 

The pair started with only one shot. Ben had to be at least somewhat sober when taking the baked “Kenobi mac” out of the oven, glaring at Anakin’s new name for his dish. They ate in comfortable silence. Once they finished, the battle was on. 

Ben conjured a table and the two of them had an intense game of beer pong, downing a firewhiskey shot whenever one missed. Anakin realized that Ben, the sneaky little shit, was a good shot even when intoxicated, as he only missed once while Anakin barely got a ball into a cup. 

Anakin swore loudly, Ben laughing maniacally at his success in dodging taking more shots. The Slytherin was already on his sixth one while Ben was only at two, goddamn it. Finally, Anakin manhandled the Hufflepuff onto one of the barstools at the counter and made him catch up. Ben did it with ease, his demeanor unchanged save for his words slurring just a little more. 

After a couple more shots, Ben declared himself the winner as he barely caught Anakin before he fully slumped down to the floor. Unfortunately, gravity worked against them, the pair falling to the floor unceremoniously, both of them giggling as they lay next to each other. 

Ben’s breath caught when he found Anakin’s head turned towards him, those same blue eyes boring into his. And then he felt a hand rest on his arm, the Slytherin inching closer. Ben tried to remember his breathing, but everything else in his view blurred, leaving him to focus only on the rather magnificent man laying in front of him. 

The sixth year’s hand moved from Ben’s arm to cradle his face, and Merlin, Ben really needed those breathing techniques now. His heart thrummed wildly against his chest, his throat constricting. _Fuck. How could a man not want this?_

Anakin was so close that their foreheads were pressed together. Ben didn’t really know when his own arm came to wrap around his friend’s waist, but all that clouded his mind was _Anakin_ fucking _Skywalker._

Merlin, he was so fucking drunk. Ben didn’t give a shit and finally closed the distance. Anakin drank in his lips, responding enthusiastically and further roaming his hands through his ginger hair. Not having nearly as much restraint as he did sober, Ben flipped them both over so that he was on his back and Anakin was on top, still engulfing everything about this damned gorgeous man above him. He ran his hands through that untamed uncivilised mullet of hair and was pleasantly surprised with how soft it was. 

Suddenly, Ben’s heart started beating more unpleasantly, everything in his body screaming for him to stop. 

“Anakin,” Ben mumbled through the Slytherin’s persistent lips against his. The blond eased his efforts, drawing his face away from Ben’s. 

“Yeah?” He asked, his eyes slightly foggy. 

“Erm- can we stop, please?” 

Anakin nodded. “Sure,” he replied, rolling off of Ben and slowly dragging himself back onto his feet. He offered Ben a hand, which he took gratefully as he helped lift him up from the ground. 

“You ‘kay?” Anakin asked, running a hand through his hair. 

Ben felt his arms fold over his chest weakly, his heart still pounding relentlessly and his head throbbing as he started to sober up. “Yeah.” 

Anakin didn’t look convinced, but seemed gracious enough to not pursue any further. “Okay. I-I can clean up, if y’want.” 

Head still buzzing, Ben made a stopping gesture with his hand, causing Anakin to fall silent. “I’ll do it. And I’ll get us some water, too, so don’t go falling asleep until you’ve had some water, yeah?” 

“Mm ‘kay,” Anakin bobbed his head in quiet agreement, finding a seat on the edge of his bed. The sixth-year still felt hot all over despite the firewhiskey shots catching up to him now. Oh great. The stench of bile started to rise in his throat. Instinctively, Anakin ran towards the bathroom. 

As Ben was filling up two glasses of water, his head whipped around when he heard Anakin bolt into the bathroom. Eyebrows knitted together in worry, Ben set down one of the glasses and took the other as he headed over to the bathroom. The sight was disheartening, with Anakin kneeling over the toilet retching his guts out. Ben placed the glass of water on the bathroom counter and kneeled next to Anakin, rubbing soothing circles on his back silently. 

Anakin finally finished the last of his vomiting and slowly rose his head from the toilet, his entire body trembling as he wiped his mouth in disgust. With a groan, Anakin slumped against the opposite wall and laid a hand over his forehead. Ben summoned the glass of water and levitated it towards Anakin, who took it and gulped the entire glass down in one go. 

Sighing, Anakin set down the glass and finally met Ben’s worried gaze. “Thanks,” he mumbled. 

Ben simply gave Anakin a warm smile and took his hand, his thumb rubbing circles over his knuckles. 

“So, are we boyfriends now or what?” Anakin asked, his words still jumbled together. 

Ben laughed and moved his hand back up to the side of Anakin’s face. The ginger leaned in, Anakin tilting his head up in response, expecting a kiss. Instead, Ben leaned in towards his ear, murmuring gently, “we’ll talk about it in the morning, yeah?” He pressed a light kiss to the blond’s forehead then got to his feet, helping Anakin off the ground as well. 

Once Anakin’s head hit the pillow, he was deep asleep, the last words he heard being, “sleep well, dear one.” 

  
  


~

  
  


Anakin woke up with a mild hangover. Fortunately, last night had been the brunt of it. He found a bottle of painkillers and another glass of water at his bedside. Not to mention he was also wearing a cardigan that he was pretty sure wasn’t his. 

He sat up and found Ben making breakfast again. The aroma that filled the room practically invited Anakin out of bed and led him towards the kitchen. 

“What are you cooking this time?” Anakin asked, slinking towards the counter and observing Ben scanning his ingredients thoughtfully. 

“Stuck between Belgian waffles or sweet crepes with cream cheese and berry filling,” Ben mumbled, hand rubbing his chin. His grey eyes flickered up to Anakin. “Any preference?” 

Anakin bit his lip as his eyes draped over the ingredients. After mulling over his choices, he finally decided. “Sweet crepes sound good.” 

A thrilling satisfaction swelled inside Anakin at catching Ben’s face light up at his decision. He had a feeling based on Ben’s voice that he really wanted to do sweet crepes. Of course, being the softie that he was, Ben wanted Anakin’s approval first. Anakin grinned internally at that. 

As they sat down and ate their sweet crepes, Anakin decided to poke the bear just a little bit. “So, um, about last night. Are we… do you- what are we?” 

Ben didn’t answer for a while, chewing his food slowly and not quite meeting Anakin’s searching gaze. Finally, he answered, “I’m not sure. Must we have a label? Can’t we just be us?” 

Anakin frowned, a mixture of different emotions swelling in his chest: disappointment, concern, anxiety, and a bit of understanding. 

“I mean- yeah,” Anakin agreed. “We don’t have to rush things if you don’t want to. I know how that feels, rushing. Doesn’t usually end up well, does it?” His heart clenched slightly when he thought of Padme. He would never forget seeing her eyes well up with tears as she desperately clung to him, wondering why he couldn’t love her. 

“I’m sorry if I brought up unpleasant memories,” Ben said softly, a frown cutting across his face. “We don’t have to be anything if you’re not comfortable-” 

“No! I do. Believe me, _I do._ It’s just- well, my last relationship hit a little too close to home with that one.” 

Ben nodded sympathetically. “We don’t have to talk about it if you’re uncomfortable.” 

Anakin shrugged. “She’s actually in your year. A Ravenclaw. Padme Amidala. We dated briefly a year ago, but we really rushed into things. I barely even knew her, but she was just so… she was clever and funny and everything I could ever want, but... I didn’t feel the same way she did. 

“I thought maybe dating her would make me feel normal, but it only seemed to make me feel even more different than before. I didn’t feel… attracted to her as she did to me. Whenever we would kiss, it would feel weird. Or when she would touch me in a certain way, she’d be disappointed because I didn’t react in the way she thought I would.” 

A long stretch of silence passed before Ben asked slowly, “Did she know that you felt this way?” 

Anakin shook his head. “I didn’t have the heart to tell her. So I broke up with her. It was messy.” 

Ben frowned. “And she still doesn’t know?” 

“No.” 

“Anakin, you have to tell her-” 

“And why should I do that?” The chair scraped back as Anakin stood up from his seat, his eyes narrowing and a subtle shadow overcoming his face. “It’s over. Done. It doesn’t matter anymore. I’m sure Padme understands.” 

Taken aback, Ben straightened his posture and met Anakin’s eyes with equally narrowed ones. “It’s not fair that you’ve kept your sexual preferences from your own ex-girlfriend. Whatever attractions you may have, you still hurt her because you failed to face your own crisis back then.” 

Anakin growled, “You don’t-” 

“And if that’s how you treat your relationships, then how can I trust being in a relationship with you?” Ben was on his feet now, arms folding across his chest. 

Anakin didn’t know if it was out of sheer desperation, fear, anger, or some combination of all three, but he drew his wand on Ben. 

Not missing a beat, Ben drew his wand. “Don’t do anything you’re going to regret, Anakin.” 

“Oh, I’m not,” Anakin seethed. “ _Obliviate.”_

Ben’s vision went black.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben has lost all recollection of Anakin.  
> Anakin is a total idiot.  
> And Ahsoka is annoyed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! Thank you all so much for the lovely feedback from the first chapter!  
> I've decided to make the chapters a bit shorter rather than trying to condense everything I had in mind into three behemoths of installments. 
> 
> Once again, a big thank you to my editors Madi and Ana! You both are absolutely wonderful. 
> 
> I hope you all enjoy the next chapter! 
> 
> Want to chat with the author? Find me on Instagram @astroidxedits !

Two weeks. Two damn weeks. Ahsoka groaned and hunched forward, her voice echoing in the girls’ bathroom on the third floor. She cast a Tempus. 6 PM, dinnertime, Saturday, October 12th. She should be out with her friends, but Ahsoka wasn’t really one for social outings. At least, not as much anymore ever since she had discovered the map again. 

She had checked three times already within the past hour. She shouldn’t. 

_I shouldn’t._

_It’s not your damn business, Ahsoka._

“Ah, fuck it,” she muttered as she reached into her pocket and resized the shrunken piece of parchment back to its original form. “I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.” 

The map revealed itself and her eyes flickered to the same place. Anakin Skywalker and Ben Kenobi on the seventh floor. Her eyes narrowed as she observed those two names in the same damn spot for the sixth time. They were _always_ there together, and Ahsoka couldn’t help but feel… bitter. 

With a grumbling protest from her stomach, the female Gryffindor opted to head to dinner. After closing the map properly and stashing its shrunken version into her pocket, she headed down to the Great Hall. On her way to the Gryffindor table - her eyes and stomach set on that damn good roast turkey with gravy - she ran headfirst into seventh-year Gryffindor Rex Kamino, who was levitating a bowl of mashed potatoes in front of him. The bowl splattered all over Rex’s robes and some bits landed in her plaited hair.

“Oh shit!” Ahsoka yelled a little louder than she had intended, drawing a few gazes from some students nearby. “I’m so sorry!”

The seventh-year chuckled. “Ah that’s alright, no big-” 

_“Aguamenti!”_ Ahsoka yelled instinctively, hosing down the poor twin with water until he was completely soaked. She slowly opened her eyes and grit her teeth. “Ohhhh, _fuck!_ I’m so sorry-” 

“That is quite enough from you, Miss Tano,” a much older voice called out. Everyone who had noticed the scene, which was practically everyone in the Great Hall, turned their heads to Professor Plo. As the professor slowly made his way over, Ahsoka felt all color drain from her face. Merlin, a Howler would’ve been better than this. _Shit! Anyone but my dad..._

“Dad!” Ahsoka hissed. “Not in front of everyone-” 

“Detention seems in order for you, I suppose,” the professor cut in coldly. 

“Actually, er, Plo- Professor Plo,” Rex interrupted, correcting himself, “it was my fault. I ran into her, sir.”

Professor Plo fixed a scrutinizing towards Rex, his eyes darting quickly between him and Ahsoka. The female Gryffindor groaned internally. Not this again. His dad and his fucking overprotective ass. When Professor Plo’s eyes met Ahsoka’s with a questioning look, Ahsoka raised an eyebrow and shook her head. Plo nodded and turned back to Rex. 

“Very well,” he said. “Off you go, then. And for heaven’s sake, get cleaned up, Kamino.” 

“Yes, sir.” Rex gave Ahsoka a warm smile before jogging out of the Great Hall. Ahsoka just stood there speechless before she shook her head and found a seat at the Gryffindor table, piling a mini mountain of roast turkey onto her plate. 

  
  


~ 

  
  


Anakin swore like a goddamn fucking sailor as he paced in front of Ben’s temporarily unconscious form. Fuck. _Fuck._

He was so tempted to snap his wand in half and give up magic forever and become a boring-ass lawyer at a law firm, _fuck._

Anakin tried to breathe, but his throat would protest. Instead, he did the first two things that came to mind. 

First, he had to get Ben out of this room. 

“Wingardium Leviosa,” Anakin muttered, levitating Ben’s limp form towards the door. Taking one last look at the room behind him, Anakin followed behind and closed the door. When he turned back, the door was gone. He gently set Ben down and rearranged him so that he was leaning against the wall, torso nearly upright. 

Second, he cried. 

Curling up against the wall next to Ben, Anakin drew his knees to his chest and sobbed into his torso, sometimes letting out particularly loud yelps before his throat would protest and he’d be back to trembling and sniffling. 

Then he felt a familiar hand on his back. 

“Are you alright?” 

Anakin slowly raised his head to be met with an absolutely dreadful sight: Ben fucking Kenobi, his grey eyes flooding with concern, eyebrows raised in curiosity, the edges of his lips pulled down into a slight frown. _Fuck, he couldn’t do this._

Instead of properly acknowledging Ben, Anakin curled back into himself and squeezed his eyes shut, wishing fervently for his stupid memory charm to undo itself. He wanted a do-over, but _fuck,_ he couldn’t. 

As Anakin continued to tremble in his pathetic form, he heard Ben shift himself so that he was sitting cross-legged in front of Anakin. 

“Hey,” Ben whispered gently, his right palm resting against Anakin’s arm. “Breathe with me, okay?” 

Anakin nodded, his head still buried behind his knees. 

Together, they took a deep breath in, and then a long deep breath out. They repeated it until Anakin found himself no longer shaking. 

Finally, he had the strength to look up, his eyes just peeking above his arms. Oh, Merlin. He found those damned gorgeous eyes looking at him again. 

“Feel a bit better?” Ben asked softly, his hand having never let go of his arm. Anakin simply nodded in response. 

“I’m Ben Kenobi. I don’t think we’ve formally met.” 

“A-Anakin…” 

“Easy there, no need to force your voice if it doesn’t want to work right now.” 

“Skywalker,” the Slytherin finished coldly. Ben frowned and draped his eyes toward the ground before lifting his face back up and giving him a soft smile. “I’ve heard of you. You’re the Captain of the Dueling Club. My friend Quinlan says that you have amazing footwork and raves about your ‘lightspeed’ dodging skills. And that you have really good reflexes.” 

Anakin nodded absently. Merlin, he felt dizzy. 

“Er- do you need food? Something to drink?” Ben asked, his eyes flickering back to him. “I know a place, just give me a moment.” 

The Hufflepuff stood up and started to pace before Anakin’s eyes widened and cold fear shot down his spine. “No please!” 

Ben stopped in his tracks and gave Anakin an inquisitive look. 

“I-uh… can we just go down to the kitchens instead? I heard the elves are really friendly down there.” 

Ben rubbed his chin thoughtfully before he nodded. “Okay, yeah, we can do that. Do you need help getting up?” 

“I’m fine,” Anakin said as he attempted to stand up. Ben blatantly ignored Anakin’s reply and protests as he assisted the sixth-year onto his feet. 

Together, they walked down the stairs. Anakin could feel Ben’s eyes stamped on him. He didn’t return the gaze, staring straight forward. 

Anakin hated the sensation of being watched. He started to fidget with his trembling hands. He felt like he was going to explode. Merlin, he wanted to explode. 

Instead, he asked, barely above a whisper, “Why are you helping me? You don’t even know me.” Anakin kept himself from choking up at the last part of his sentence. Ben _had_ known him.

_And he wouldn't be helping you if he found out what you had done to him._

Ben pondered the question for a while, his hand rubbing his chin. “I have a friend whom I’ve known for a very long time. He’s helped me with more than I could ever imagine, and he taught me how to do the same in my life. When you find people who need your help, you help them. No matter what.” 

“But what if this person hurt you?” Anakin asked, his eyes finally meeting Ben’s candid ones. 

“I still would.” 

“Why?” Anakin had meant to shout, but instead, it came out as a pitiful whisper. 

Ben held his gaze. “Because it’s the right thing to do.” 

Anakin jumped in front of Ben to block his way, his eyes narrowed and his teeth gritted. “But that’s unfair to you! What if this person really, _really_ hurt you. Like… really messed you up? And they came to you for help. Would you still help them?” 

Slowly, Ben took a step back, studying Anakin intently. His eyes seemed worn and tired, as if he was deeply unhappy and exhausted. 

“I’d do what I can for them,” Ben finally answered, his hand gripping the banister tightly. “Because that’s what a good person does.” 

“No,” Anakin breathed out. He had strongly fixed his gaze on Ben now. “That’s what a pushover would do.” 

Ben’s lips thinned and his blue-grey eyes became steel metal gates with painted black pupils. Silence engulfed the two of them for what seemed like hours. Really, it was only a minute or so.

“If that’s how you’d like to see it,” Ben finally conceded, his eyes softening as quickly as they had become guarded. “Luckily, I’ve never been in that position, and I hope I never will be.” 

Anakin frowned, wanting to throw himself into the lake to drown. He couldn’t do this. He didn’t deserve Ben’s kindness, not like this. He had to tell him. 

Just as he found the voice in his throat, they had arrived at the kitchens. Anakin’s resolve withered instantly as they both entered. 

“How may Twinky serve her masters today?” one of the elves that had come to green them asked.

“May we have two glasses of water and one cup of chamomile tea, please?” Ben requested. 

The house elf bowed low until her nose hit the floor. “It would be my honor.” 

A few seconds later, she appeared with the two glasses of water and a cup of tea, offering it up to Ben. The Hufflepuff gladly took the beverages and thanked Twinky, dismissing her kindly. 

The two Hogwarts students sat in the kitchen, leaning against a wall and silently sipping their drinks. Finally, Ben broke the silence. 

“Anakin, would you like me to teach you how to deal with the emotions you’re having? I know it can be quite difficult to control them, but I’ve learned some techniques from my friend that I believe can be very useful to have.” 

Anakin didn’t speak for a while; he was deep in thought. He had to tell him eventually, but not now. Maybe it’s best to be friends first, so that Ben could see that he wasn’t a bad person, that he’d never meant to hurt him. 

Maybe, just maybe, Anakin could redeem himself. Ben would forgive him when he confessed his secret, Anakin would restore his memories, and then they’d go back to how they were before.

Finally, he moved his head up and then down, keeping his eyes straight ahead rather than meeting Ben’s intent gaze. 

“I’d like that.”

  
  


~ 

  
  


Ben and Anakin became fast friends, the pair being seen together often. Whether it was sitting together in the Great Hall or studying in the library, when there was Kenobi, Skywalker wasn’t far behind. At first it had started off with Ben helping Anakin meditate in Ben’s room. 

Then suddenly Anakin was sleeping over every night, Ben having had to conjure an air mattress for the Slytherin. Anakin had eventually just used a hybrid charm to transfer his bed from his dorm into Ben’s room. The Hufflepuff didn’t mind though, for it kept him away from having to take that awful potion on his bedside table. And it was definitely worth it to see Anakin start smiling again. 

Soon enough, after a couple of weeks, Ben was accompanying Anakin to Hogsmeade for the second time. Snow had blanketed the small village, which elated the Slytherin. 

“Ben, look! Snow!” 

“Have you not seen snow before, Anakin?” Ben pulled his coat tighter around his body, muttering distastefully as bits of snow started nesting in his hair. He put his hood up to shield his head. 

“I mean, yeah, but not this often! Remember, I grew up in Arizona before I moved to London?” 

“Right,” Ben replied dryly. “The land of the chafing desert, quite a lovely place from your description of it.” 

“Oh shut up, as much as I loved America, this is so much better.” Anakin spread his ridiculously long arms out, and sent his nose up to the sky, laughing merrily. 

Ben couldn’t help but smile at the comical view of a six foot tall man acting like a child seeing snow for the first time. He rather liked seeing his friend so happy, especially given the first time they’d met.

A strange feeling contorted in his chest when that same part of his mind protested that. Ben scrunched his face as he looked at Anakin again, and then back at the snow. Something about that felt wrong. Surely they hadn’t been friends before he’d stumbled upon him crying on the seventh floor? 

“Anakin?” Ben called out. The sixth-year turned to face him, that gorgeous smile still plastered on his face. 

“Yeah?” He called back. 

_Are you sure we haven’t met before?_

“Wanna head over to the Three Broomsticks now?” Ben found himself saying instead. 

Anakin nodded, running back over to Ben. The Hufflepuff rolled his eyes, swearing that he had only idiots for friends. Except maybe Satine. She was at least on par with his civilized manner- 

“Oof!” 

Ben yelped as Anakin tackled him into the snow, the git laughing loudly as he pinned himself above him. “Constant vigilance, Kenobi,” Anakin teased. 

Ben could only stare at the man above him in wonder, before he became aware of his heart beating faster and faster. It wasn’t his usual pounding heartbeat. It resembled more of quick light sprinting rather than aggressive pounding. 

_What the hell is going on with you, Kenobi?_

Anakin licked his lips before he pushed himself off of Ben and stood up. He offered the Hufflepuff his hand, which he took gratefully as he helped lift him up from the ground. When they clasped hands, Ben felt overcome with a wave of sensation. 

_Wandering hands. Lips meeting. Soft hair. A pair of blue eyes._

Ben immediately pulled his hand back from Anakin, cradling it close to his chest. 

Anakin threw Ben a rather nervous look. “You okay?” 

“Yes, I just felt a strange sensation for a moment,” the Hufflepuff replied flatly, his arms slowly folding across his chest. Anakin’s eyes flicked to Ben’s arms, frowning at the gesture. 

“Wanna talk about it?” 

“I’m sure it’s nothing.” 

“It didn’t seem like-” 

“We should probably hurry,” Ben interrupted. “If I recall, I remember you promising Ahsoka that we’d meet her at the Three Broomsticks at precisely 12:15pm.” 

“Shit,” Anakin cursed, casting a Tempus. 12:16. “She’s gonna fucking murder me!” 

They both started running into the snow-covered town. 

“Most likely,” Ben huffed, trying to keep up with his significantly taller friend. 

  
  


~

  
  


Ahsoka made a promise to herself to not bring the fucking map to Hogsmeade. 

She sighed and whispered a quick “mischief managed” to the parchment before shrinking it and tucking it in her pocket. She was only a woman, not God herself. It was a weakness she wasn’t proud of, but at least she knew for sure that Anakin and Ben were on their way. 

_Ben._ Fucking _Ben Kenobi._

Ahsoka tried not to let her blood simmer at the thought of little Mr. Perfect. She gagged internally. _Perfect._ Maybe a week or two ago, she would’ve believed it. Ahsoka had always looked up to the seventh year Hufflepuff as some sort of godlike figure. But then she would see him with Anakin, and that familiar bitterness would bubble up in her chest. That was supposed to be _her_ , not Kenobi. If he was so perfect, he wouldn’t be stealing her best friend away. 

“Hey, Tano!” 

Ahsoka looked up from what she just realized was an intense stare off with the salt shaker on the table and found Rex Kamino. 

“Hi.” She chewed nervously on her bottom lip. “I’m really sorry again about what happened a couple of weeks ago.” 

“Ah, don’t worry about it,” Rex said with a dismissive wave of his hand. “You have good reflexes. Learned from Skywalker, probably?” 

“Yeah,” Ahsoka nodded. “He taught me everything he knows about dueling and combat. Although I’m not as good as he is.” 

“I’m sure you’re a fine duelist, Tano.” 

“You can call me Ahsoka by the way.” 

“Sure thing, Ahsoka,” Rex said with a smile. “You know, we should hang out sometime. You seem pretty cool, but you’re always around Skywalker.” 

Ahsoka grimaced internally at that. Was she really around Skyguy that much? “Is that such a bad thing?” 

Rex shrugged. “Not a bad thing, but I think it’s nice to hang around different people every once in a while, you know?” 

The younger Gryffindor said nothing in reply, her eyes landing on the salt shaker again. She tried to search for words to say, anything that could justify Anakin practically being her only friend, but there was nothing. 

“Ahsoka!” Anakin called out as he entered the pub with Ben in tow. 

Rex gave her a warm smile before walking away. She sighed and forced her lips to contort into a loose smile. “Over here!” 

Returning her smile with one of his own, Anakin made his way over to the booth Ahsoka was seated at, Ben following right behind him. 

“Nice to meet you, Ahsoka,” Ben greeted kindly, offering his right hand. 

Ahsoka’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “You don’t remember me?” 

The lukewarm atmosphere amongst the three of them changed within a span of a second. The younger Gryffindor could practically feel Ben’s anxiety kicking in, and she didn’t need to look to know that Skyguy was internally panicking. What exactly he was panicking about, she didn’t know. 

Ahsoka was too busy panicking herself. _What the hell?_

“I- Maybe?” Ben said unsurely, his hand slowly withdrawing from Ahsoka. 

“You ran into her during one of your rounds a while back,” Anakin explained quickly. “You may not remember.. um, I think you were- you were pretty exhausted that night.” 

“Surely I would’ve recalled at least some recognition of it,” Ben answered, rubbing his chin thoughtfully. His eyes seemed very far away. 

After a long silence, Ben sagged his shoulders and exhaled, shaking his head. “Maybe it’s just my mind playing tricks on me. I hadn’t been sleeping well until a couple of weeks ago.” 

“Yeah,” Anakin breathed out, visibly relaxing. The frown, however, was still etched onto his face. He gestured to Ben, who slid into the booth across from Ahsoka, Anakin sitting next to him.

She watched as the two men across from her shared a brief look. “So Anakin has told me a lot about you. Co-Captain of the Dueling Club, am I correct?” 

“You sure are,” Ahsoka confirmed, a genuine smile spreading across her face. “But once Anakin’s booted out next year, I’m gonna take his place.” 

“Now let’s not get too hasty here, Snips,” Anakin warned lightheartedly. “I’m not leaving for another year. Plenty of time.” 

Ahsoka rolled her eyes. “We’ll see.” 

After they ordered their drinks, the tension fully dissipated. It really was nice having Anakin around again. It’s been so long since they’ve talked. She missed her best friend. 

As the trio headed back to the Hogwarts castle together, Ahsoka broke the comfortable silence that had settled amongst them. “So, Skyguy, when do you wanna plan our next hangout? Maybe train again in our usual place? It has been a while.” 

Anakin frowned deeply for a brief moment before his face softened. “I think maybe we should find an abandoned classroom for our training instead. How do you feel about Ben joining in?” 

Ahsoka’s smile faltered somewhat at Anakin’s mention of Ben _again,_ but she caught herself and forced an even brighter smile onto her face. “Sure, sounds good. How about the one next to the portrait of the goblins on the fourth floor?” 

“That’s a good one,” Ben noted. “Not a lot of prefects nor professors nearby that would be patrolling at night.” 

“So tonight then?” Anakin asked. 

“Unfortunately not tonight,” Ben sighed. “I’m running an extra practice tonight for Quidditch since we’re playing against Ravenclaw tomorrow.” In the brighter lighting of the snowy outdoors, Ahsoka could see just how tired Ben looked. His eyes were worn deeply into his pale face, resembling the color of Nearly Headless Nick.

“We’ll definitely come and cheer you on!” Anakin said, his arm wrapping around Ahsoka’s shoulders. “We’ll even make posters, right Snips?” 

Ahsoka grinned, feeling like a fucking king. _I won this time, Kenobi._ My _best friend._

  
  


~

  
  


“The pass has got to be tighter, Cody!” Ben shouted when the quaffle soared too long a distance for his liking. The Quidditch Captain sighed as he summoned the ball and rotated it in his hands; he passed it back to the Kamino twin. “Again.” 

Ben couldn’t quite fully immerse himself into his own drills with the Chasers, but he did his best. Given his compromised attention, Ben deemed it best to utilize their time by dividing practice into separate drills for each of the positions. 

He could feel both Quinlan and Satine’s presence emerging into the arena as he ran the pass drill with Cody and the other Chaser, a seventh year named Bail. This time, the drill was successful as Bail handed the quaffle off to Cody, who made the winning shot past the Keeper. 

“Whoo!” Cody shouted in glee, pumping a fist in the air. He high-fived Bail, who simply smiled in satisfaction. 

“We did it, guys!” Cody continued to shout as the rest of the team landed their brooms on the ground. 

“Good job, everyone!” Ben praised. “Now have a good night’s rest, all of you. I want you all rested up and ready to kick off the first game of the season tomorrow!” 

“Yes, sir!” Everyone shouted, Cody’s voice booming over the rest. 

Everyone on the team, except for Ben, trudged off to the locker room. Ben watched as Satine and Quinlan made their way from the stands down onto the pitch to meet him. The Quidditch Captain laid his broom on the grass and walked towards two of his best friends. 

“Your team’s looking good, Kenobi,” Quinlan commented, patting his shoulder heavily. 

“I told you Quin,” Ben said exasperatedly, “it’s not _my_ team. I’m just a Captain.” 

“And a very good captain you are,” Satine added, resting her hand on his arm reassuringly. “You’re doing great, Ben, I promise. Quin’s just been grouchy because we’ve missed you.” 

Ben smiled and shook his head. “You know me, always running around Hogwarts.” 

Satine smiled, her eyes shimmering with concern. If those eyes were windows to her mind, then she didn’t voice her thoughts out loud. Instead, her hand briefly fussed with his hair before coming to cradle the side of his face. 

Ben blinked and, to his utter confusion and slight horror, saw Anakin’s face instead of Satine’s. The Slytherin’s lips were glistening and inviting, his pupils invading those sea blue irises until they were pools of dark longing. Ben couldn’t resist any longer and crashed his lips against Anakin’s, until suddenly he felt a palm sharply collide with his face with a loud smack. 

“BEN!” 

“Woah, Kenobi!” 

Dazed and vision slightly blurry, Ben instantly shot his hand to his cheek, where the collision left a mild burn. That was one hard hit. Then he brought his eyes up to meet Satine’s horrified face as she wiped her mouth with her sleeve, Quinlan’s left arm acting as a barrier between Ben and her. 

“Why did you kiss me?!” Satine demanded. Quinlan also set his eyes on Kenobi with panging curiosity. 

“I… I kissed you?” Ben murmured quietly, his body paralyzed and a faint buzz ringing in his ears. 

“ _Yes,_ you daft idiot! Now, _why?!”_

Ben felt himself spacing out. “I don’t know. I thought I had… I saw someone else.” 

“Someone else? Who?” Quinlan slowly lowered his arm as Satine’s defensive stance slowly relaxed. 

No answer. Ben felt his arms forming the protective gate across his chest. His heartbeat pounded in his ears and in his chest like an execution march. 

Satine’s eyes flickered between Ben and Quin, her lips pressed together tightly. Ben started to walk away, not particularly interested in having this rather touchy conversation.

“I’m not an idiot, Kenobi!” Quinlan yelled. Ben didn’t stop, marching forward with his eyes fixed on the exit. He was _not_ going to have this conversation. 

Ben Kenobi could talk his way out of awkward situations; he could negotiate with professors and other students; he could soothe an argument like a dream. One thing he definitely could not do was talk his way out of the truth to his best friends. Other people? If the situation was dire, then yes. But Ben was at least a good enough man to not lie to the people he trusted the most, and who returned that trust tenfold. 

In Ben’s eyes, it was better to be a silent coward than a lying fool. 

Strangely, he felt like both.

“Are you sleeping with Skywalker or not?” Quinlan shouted, his voice echoing throughout the barren pitch. It felt like a million voices attempting to pry into Ben’s soul. 

The echoes dissipated. There was a silence that felt like words choking in his mouth that he couldn’t swallow back down nor vomit out. It was just stuck in his constricting throat, waiting for the floodgates to open and unleash all of the horrible dread, anxiety, and confusion that was practically pooling out of his ears. 

Ben had stopped walking. He swiftly turned around to face his friends. His hand that was dangling near his wand holder twitched. Then the wand shot into his hand. He held up the wand, pointing it forward. 

Within a second, Quinlan drew his, but he did not point it at Ben. His wand simply dangled from his right hand.

“Ben, don’t try anything stupid.”

_Obliviate,_ a familiar voice whispered in his head. 

“ _Accio broom,”_ Ben hissed, the broom soaring into his hands with ease. 

Without another word, Ben disapparated from the pitch.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ahsoka decides to try out this whole "make new friends" thing.  
> Ben's visions are starting to worry his best friends.  
> Anakin's world is crumbling around him. 
> 
> Also, Professor Plo is the dad/professor we all deserve.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi friends! Chapter 3 is finally here! 
> 
> I hope you guys enjoy! <3 
> 
> Want to chat with the author? Find me on Instagram @astroidxedits !

Anakin and Ahsoka decided to meet in an abandoned classroom on the third floor. Blank posters and markers strewn around them, Anakin rubbed his chin thoughtfully. Ahsoka snorted at the gesture and mockingly rubbed her chin too. 

“Shut the hell up, Snips,” Anakin laughed. 

“I didn’t say anything,” she quipped, a bright grin flooding her face. The Gryffindor summoned a black marker and uncapped it, beginning to trace the lettering outline she had made earlier that spelled “GO KENOBI!” 

“You wound me.” Anakin started tracing his poster too. He had opted for a comical drawing of Ben on his broom, planning to charm it later so it would move. He smiled to himself, fervently ignoring the blush flooding his cheeks. “I hope he likes it.” 

Ahsoka rolled her eyes, still intently tracing out the giant  _ K  _ in  _ Kenobi.  _ “Judging by the way he looks at you, he’d probably like anything you do,” she said casually, her eyes flickering up ever so slightly to him. 

The Slytherin opted to hide his deepening blush by burying his head further into the poster he was working on. Giddiness and that damned underlying guilt boiled irrately in his chest.  _ Fuck. Should he tell her?  _

“I mean, you guys spend so much time together. I wouldn’t be surprised if he liked you just as much as you obviously like him,” Ahsoka continued, her eyes glued to her letters. “What would you do if he asked you out?” 

“What?” Anakin yelped, accidentally striking a black stripe over Ben’s face.  _ Shit.  _ Quickly, he casted an undoing spell on the stripe to wipe it off of Ben's forehead.  _ That should do the trick.  _

“What would you do if he asked you out?” Ahsoka repeated seemingly innocently, but Anakin knew better.

“I-” 

_ And if that’s how you treat your relationships, then how can I trust being in a relationship with you? _

Anakin squeezed his eyes shut, shooing the memory away. 

“I know it hasn’t been that long since you and Padme- well, you know.” Her voice sounded odd, slightly sad and nostalgic, if Anakin could pinpoint it. 

His frown deepened, a shadow starting to blanket his face as he sat up to look directly at Ahsoka. “I’m not ready to talk about-”

“But you  _ should,  _ Anakin. Maybe not now, but at some point you should,” she said, the corners of her lips tugging downward. “You always want to erase the past like it’s nothing to you so you don’t have to face it, but I know you. I know it’s buried deep in there under all that acting like you’re fine, bullshit.” 

His right fist choked the marker he was holding, the silence buzzing incessantly between them as his simmering blood pounded in his ears. Merlin, he wished she would stop. 

But she didn’t. 

“I know where you’ve been sneaking around. For the past few weeks, you had been with Ben in our old hangout!  _ Our  _ hangout!” 

Anakin rounded on her. His eyes now thin horizontal incisions on his face, windows to a black void. “How did you know that?” 

Ahsoka held her ground. They were both on their feet now, glaring at each other challengingly. 

“The map from second year.” 

His eyes expanded, his pupils now tiny condensed singularities ready to explode. “You were  _ spying  _ on me?!” 

“I wasn’t spying-!” 

“You were!” Anakin roared. “You nosy little brat! You’re always up in my business, huh? Don’t you have a fucking life?!” 

Anakin’s gritted teeth and scrunched up face softened instantly when he heard Ahsoka’s breath catch and then choke into a sob. 

_ Oh, fuck. _

_ Merlin, I’m such a fucking piece of shit.  _

He took a step forward with a hand reached out. “Ahsoka-” 

“Don’t.” She wrapped her arms around herself, turning away from him as she continued sniffling. Anakin just stood there, frozen in place like a living man slowly turning into stone. 

“I’m sorry,” Anakin said gently, the words bitterly hollow in his mouth. Sorry couldn’t undo shit. 

Ahsoka still wouldn’t look at him. However, her sniffling did stop. She conjured a tissue for herself and blew her nose before levitating the tissue into a nearby trash can. 

She always was exceptionally good at charms. She and Ben could be really good friends. 

“It’s okay,” she replied hoarsely, slowly turning back around to face him. Her usually clear blue eyes were now cloudy and murky; her nose was a slight tinge of red. “I just- You’re my best friend, Anakin. And for the past two months it felt like you had just disappeared off with Ben. And I felt like I was being replaced.” 

Anakin shook his head, taking a step forward. She didn’t recoil this time.

“No one could ever replace you, Ahsoka.” 

Ahsoka let out a short, dry laugh. She didn’t seem convinced, but she didn’t reply either. 

Anakin cast a Tempus. Noon. The Quidditch game was two hours away. “We should probably get these posters done. Afterwards, wanna grab lunch? Just you and me, this time?” 

She smiled slightly and nodded. “I’d like that.” 

  
  


~

  
  


Ben was restless as he tried to meditate on the pitch. The sun was rising overhead. Despite his breathing, his heart was still pounding mercilessly against his chest. He probably should’ve taken his sleeping potion last night, even if Anakin was practically living with him in his room now. His mind became pleasantly hazy at the thought of the Slytherin. 

He jarringly resurfaced back into reality after drowning in his ocean of thoughts, clinging to air like a drug as he resumed his breathing technique.

_ He could do this. He couldn’t let Hufflepuff House down. Not again.  _

He sighed, pushing his hair back from his face, now regretting his decision to grow it out past his ears. He’d have to ask Satine for another haircut again. After the match. 

At the thought of the upcoming match this afternoon, his heart started racing again. He tried to breathe, but it was futile. His surroundings blurred as reality became senseless and distorted, all sensation muffled yet overwhelming.

_ Not again.  _

Breathe in. 

Breathe out. 

_ You can do this, Kenobi.  _

In. 

Out. 

“Ben!” 

Startled at the unexpected intrusion at dawn on the pitch, Ben lifted his head and saw one of his best friends, Cody Kamino. The world morphed from an abstract painting back to reality, his senses resettling into his body again. 

“Cody!” Ben plastered a smile onto his face, staying seated on the grass as he didn’t trust himself enough to hold his weight if he stood. “What are you doing here so early?” 

“I should be asking you the same question,” Cody said with a raised eyebrow, finding a seat across from him. 

Ben’s gaze dropped towards the grass. He had stopped his habit of picking at things a few years ago, but he still felt the urge in his fingers to start uprooting the little blades and tear them apart. 

“Just meditating,” he finally replied. 

“You always meditate when there’s something on your mind.” 

“Yes, Cody, the match-” 

“Other than the match?” 

Ben sighed, his hand coming up to pinch the bridge of his nose before rubbing his chin thoughtfully. “Yes.” 

“You’re being evasive again.” 

“Borrowing from my vocabulary now, are we?” Ben quipped with a light smile. 

Cody gave him an annoyed look, a certain glimmer of hidden knowledge in his eyes. 

The Quidditch Captain sighed defeatedly. He knew it was pointless to avoid questioning. 

“I messed up, Cody. Quin and Satine are pissed at me right now.” 

The twin nodded. “Yeah, they told me. But they’re not pissed at you. They’re just worried about you. All three of us are.”

Ben frowned, his eyes glued to the goal posts up ahead. “You don’t have to worry about me.” 

“Come on, Kenobi, we’ve been over this. Whether you like it or not, as long as you don’t seem fine, of course we’re going to worry.” 

“It’s my problem. I’ll solve it myself.” 

The piercing gaze Cody held dissipated into a softer curious one. Gently, almost desperately, he asked, “Why do you never let us help you?” 

No answer.

“I don’t know what’s up between you and Skywalker, but I do know that you’re helping him with… whatever he’s got going on. And that he doesn’t sleep in his dorm anymore. Quin told us last night when you left. But you… you kissed Satine.” 

Ben shoved his head between his hands with an overwhelming urge to crush his own skull.  _ Merlin, Satine.  _

“You know she still has-”

“I know,” Ben exhaled shakily. “I know she does.” 

“So do you like her back? Is that what this is all about?” Cody sounded more confused than angry now, his eyebrows furrowing as if he was analyzing a Quidditch play. 

“No, Cody, I’m still attracted to men. Always have been.” 

“Ah,” the dark-haired Hufflepuff nodded. A few seconds later, he quickly shot his head up. “Then why did you kiss her?” 

Ben squeezed his eyes shut and brought his knees to his chest, wrapping his arms around them. “I had a strange vision. When Satine and I were talking after practice, I had a brief moment where I saw someone else. And I thought I kissed him.” 

“Skywalker?” 

He confirmed with a nod. “Yes. But it didn’t feel like a vision from the future, or even just a passing thought. It felt real, like it had already happened.” 

Cody looked utterly bewildered now. “Cripe, Ben. Maybe we should go tell Windu.” 

Ben shook his head violently, cradling his knees closer to himself. “No. I don’t want professors getting involved with my personal wellbeing. I… I’ll talk to Qui-Gon after. It’s probably a side effect from not taking my medication for weeks.” 

“That could be it,” Cody nodded. “When was the last time you talked to him?” 

“A year ago.” 

It took a while before Cody finally replied, cautiously, “Have you… Have you ever thought about possibly- maybe going back to him regularly again?” 

Ben felt a deep sense of dread swirling in his chest at the thought.  _ No. He was doing just fine. He just needed to keep up with his medication. His grades are fine, his mental health is fine - albeit slightly unstable at worst.  _

“I’ll just see him once about the medication, but other than that, I’m doing alright,” Ben asserted, more to himself than to Cody.

“Okay, if you’re sure,” Cody replied unsurely. “Wanna meet up with Quin and Satine for breakfast and talk about everything you’ve just told me?” 

“Yes.” 

Cody stood up first and offered a hand to Ben, which he took. Together, they headed back to the castle, Ben’s chest a bit lighter. 

  
  


~

  
  


Anakin would have raised an eyebrow at the ungodly sized mountain of roast turkey his best friend had shoveled onto her plate, but he really couldn’t say anything. Looking down at his own plate piled with all kinds of food from sliced ham to chicken wings to mashed to mac and cheese, he decided to spare Ahsoka for now. 

“Merlin, I love roast turkey so much,” Ahsoka exclaimed as she doused an equally unholy-sized pool of gravy onto her turkey and mashed potatoes. 

“Holy Salazar, you sure you got enough food there?” A familiar voice piped up behind them. The duo turned around and saw Rex Kamino, levitating his bowl of mashed potatoes and gravy in front of him as usual. 

“I think so!” Ahsoka replied with a grin. 

“Roast turkey’s her favorite,” the Slytherin explained. 

“Mind if I sit?” The seventh-year Gryffindor asked. 

“Go ahead,” Anakin said, gesturing towards an empty seat across from him next to Ahsoka. The twin smiled and took the said seat before digging into his own bowl of food. 

Anakin eyed the seventh year curiously, his gaze briefly flickering over to Ahsoka before he resumed eating his meal.    
  


“So I heard your brother’s playing in the match today?” Ahsoka asked. 

“Yep! He claims that Hufflepuff’s gonna make a comeback.” 

Ahsoka snorted. “We’ll see about that. If anything, we’ve got a run for their money when it comes to the Quidditch Cup. You’re on the Gryffindor team, right?” 

“Yes’m,” Rex confirmed with a nod. “You should try out next year. With me and our Seeker graduating this year, two spots will be open.” 

“I don’t know,” Ahsoka said with uncertainty, her gaze falling towards Anakin, who was well into his chicken wings now. “I do have Co-Captain duties for the Dueling Club to think about.” 

Rex shrugged. “Just something to think about. Personally, I think you’d make a great Seeker.” 

Ahsoka couldn’t help but smile at the compliment. 

“What do you think, Skyguy? Should I go for it?” 

Anakin looked up from his plate, his mouth full of food. He quickly swallowed down the food and sheepishly wiped his mouth with a napkin. “I mean, if you want to, go for it! As long as you have the time and you’re still my co for Dueling Club, that’s all that matters to me.” 

Ahsoka smiled and turned back to face Rex. “When can I try out, then?” 

Rex laughed and shook his head. “How about tomorrow before dinner? Do you have your own broom?” 

“Yeah, it’s with my dad. I’ll just ask him for it tonight and tell him what’s up.” 

“I can’t believe your dad is Professor Plo. Do you call him Professor in class or do you call him dad?” 

Ahsoka choked at the idea of calling her dad, well,  _ dad  _ during class. “I call him Professor during class. It’s weird calling him dad.” 

“Oh, I see.” Rex nodded, then furrowed his eyebrows. “Wait, then how come your last name isn’t Koon?” 

“I’m surprised no one’s ever really asked me, except for Anakin. I kept my birth family name because it was my mom’s. My dad was a good friend of hers before she died when giving birth to me. He told me about all the great adventures they had together as young wizards. When he adopted me, he decided that I should keep my original family name. I mean, how could I not with all the wonderful stories he told me about her?” 

Rex smiled and put a hand on Ahsoka’s shoulder. “Thanks for sharing even though you absolutely didn’t have to. And for the record, although your dad can be a right bugger about Potions, he’s still a really great teacher who genuinely cares about his students. You’re real lucky, kid.” 

“Thank you,” Ahsoka replied sincerely. 

“Hey Snips,” Anakin finally piped up from across the table. 

“Yeah?” 

“It’s getting close to 1:40. Wanna head over to the pitch?” 

“Sure! Rex, wanna tag along?” 

“Eh, why not?” 

The three of them stood up and headed out of the Great Hall, walking briskly towards the field. Ahsoka chattered excitedly about the match, her rapt fascination with the sport showing as the three of them discussed which House would win the game today. Rex and Anakin, with no bias whatsoever, betted on Hufflepuff. 

Ahsoka had her reservations - totally not because she still somewhat had it out for Kenobi - and almost bet on Ravenclaw. However, she also remembered the shrunken posters stashed away in her pocket along with the map. She grimaced briefly before that bitter feeling faded again. 

They made their way to the stands, the trio snagging seats right up front next to a fellow Slytherin girl with pale skin, dark brown hair, and piercing blue eyes. 

“These seats taken, Offee?” Anakin asked. 

The girl shook her head silently before casting her gaze to the pitch. Anakin let Ahsoka go in first. The female Gryffindor scooted her way next to the female Slytherin. Anakin followed, and then Rex. 

“I forgot how much I missed watching Quidditch,” Anakin said with an excited grin slapped on his face. “Slytherin’s team is looking good this year so I have high hopes.” 

“I don’t know. My team might pummel you to the ground this season, Skywalker.” 

“Wanna bet?” The two continued their lighthearted conversation as Ahsoka took out the posters and reverted them to their original size. 

“You made those?” The girl whom Anakin had called Offee asked. 

“Yep! Me and Skyguy. I did this one,” she said, pointing to the poster with large glittering letters. 

“It looks really cool,” the girl commented. “Nice charm work.” 

“Thanks! I’m Ahsoka Tano!” 

“Barriss Offee,” the girl replied with an outstretched hand. With a smile, Ahsoka shook her hand. Their brief introduction was interrupted when cheers rumbled from the stands as both teams walked out onto the pitch. 

“Looks like it’s starting!” Ahsoka yelled over the roar. “Skyguy! Your poster!” 

“Thanks Snips!” Anakin shouted back, taking the poster and holding it proudly. He hoped Ben could see it from here. 

With a blow of a whistle, they were off. 

  
  


~

  
  


The match was a close one. Ravenclaw was up by 150 points. Ahsoka was right, their Chasers were good. Ben looked nervous, but when he found Anakin in the stands, he smiled at him briefly before focusing back on the game. 

Ahsoka yelled and pointed at the Snitch that had just arrived on the scene. Both Seekers immediately caught on and dove towards it. The Hufflepuff Seeker jolted past the Ravenclaw Seeker, her arm reaching forward. 

Everyone was on the edge of their seats. Anakin couldn’t breathe. Ahsoka’s eyes were glued intently on the Snitch as the Hufflepuff Seeker caught it between her fingers. 

“HUFFLEPUFF WINS!”

The students roared, most of the cheers coming from the enormous Hufflepuff crowd nearby dawned in yellow and black. Anakin, Rex, and Ahsoka yelled at the top of their lungs. The two older boys lifted Ahsoka on their shoulders as she waved her poster up high. Anakin’s heart fluttered when Ben saw and smiled bashfully in return. 

Soon enough, all of the Hufflepuffs were storming down into the pitch and lifting up all of their Quidditch players. Ben’s grin lit up his entire face as he was hoisted up next to the Seeker, the two of them high-fiving. 

Anakin, Rex, and Ahsoka finally joined the rest of the students down in the pitch. From the distance, they spotted Ben surrounded by all of his teammates and his best friends, Cody, Quinlan, and Satine. While Rex ran off to congratulate his brother, Anakin and Ahsoka decided to wait at the outskirts of the crowd. 

The two of them shared a look. 

“He liked the posters,” Ahsoka declared. “He was actively trying not to look at them. Or maybe, it was  _ you  _ he was trying not to look at.” 

Anakin snorted and shook his head, his arms folding over his chest. Turning towards the Gryffindor, he smirked. “Sure.”

“Well, here’s your golden boy right now.” 

And there he was indeed. Ben Kenobi was maneuvering through the crowd towards them, his eyes crinkled because of the smile taking up half of his face.  _ Merlin, I’d be content looking at him like this forever.  _

What came next was what Anakin wasn’t prepared for. 

“You did it!” Anakin exclaimed, arms wide open to engulf Ben in a hug. “Ben, I’m so-”

He did not expect Ben to cup his face with his hands and kiss him on the lips. 

And it was not just a shy peck. Anakin felt himself melting into Ben’s lips, wrapping his arms around the Hufflepuff’s waist and pulling him closer. 

They continued for what seemed like only seconds, but in reality, it was probably a minute or so. 

Anakin pulled away and let out a short laugh that sounded more like a breathy exhale. Ben continued to smile, his eyes absolutely adoring the sight in front of him. 

His chest growing warm, Anakin was about to lean back in for another round when he heard Ahsoka clear her throat behind him. 

The two men finally unwrapped from each other and met Ahsoka’s gaze. Now it was her arms folded across her chest, her body weight resting on her right leg. She did not look amused. 

“So are you both dating now or what, huh, Skyguy?” She raised an eyebrow, her own smirk creeping onto her face. 

Anakin, meanwhile, went red.  _ Merlin, no, this shouldn’t be happening. Ben doesn’t deserve a man like him for a partner.  _

“No.” 

“Yes.” 

Ben stared incredulously at the Slytherin. “What? I thought-” 

“I-” Anakin tried to find words that wouldn’t die instantly in his throat. “I just- I’m not ready.” 

When a wave of disappointed clouded Ben’s face, especially those mesmerizing storming grey eyes, Anakin couldn’t do it anymore. 

He ran. 

The rest of the world became a blur as he sprinted out of the pitch. He didn’t know where his feet were taking him. As long as they led him far, far away from wherever Ben fucking Kenobi was. 

However, a voice shouting his name behind him brought him back from his frenzy. 

“Anakin Skywalker! Stop!” 

He turned around to face his best friend. Sighing deeply, he inhaled deeply and exhaled. They were close to the Black Lake, he realized.

“What the fuck is going on with you?!” Ahsoka yelled. 

The buzzing continued in Anakin’s head, piercing his eardrums.

“Sometimes I feel like I don’t even know who you are because you’re so fucking confusing!” Ahsoka continued, shouting at the top of her lungs whilst tears streamed down your face. “I don’t know how to fucking help you and I’m starting to get frustrated! Why won’t you just tell me what’s going on?!” 

Anakin’s breath caught and the heat behind his eyes started to piss him off. 

“Can’t you see that your friends genuinely care about you and want you to be happy? Ben, me, but you shut us out! Stop it! Just stop it!  _ Please!  _ Just… let me help you!” 

Feeling the weight of the guilt on his shoulders, Anakin slumped to his knees. 

His throat scratched in protest when he let out a horrendous cry, his upper body curling inward as his regret swallowed his chest whole. As he clenched his hands to his face, the whole world became a void of white noise. He begged to not feel anything. It would be so much easier.

Ahsoka took a cautious step forward, but Anakin recoiled. He had finally found the remnants of his voice.

“Leave me alone, Ahsoka.,” he whispered, his throat burning with irritation.

“But-” 

“I said,  _ leave me alone _ .” 

Slowly, Ahsoka took a step back, and then another. And then another. When Anakin finally turned around, she was no longer there. Surrendering to his guilt, Anakin curled even further into himself and took a shaky breath in and then a shaky breath out. 

  
  


~

  
  


Ahsoka didn’t expect to run into Barriss on her way back to her dorm. 

“Hi, Barriss,” Ahsoka greeted somewhat glumly. 

“Hello, Ahsoka,” she replied. Her eyebrows drooped with concern. “Are you alright?” 

The Gryffindor girl simply nodded, although her lips were quivering and tugging downwards. Her eyes sagged with dampness and a chill nipped at her arms despite being comfortably dressed. 

“Yes,” she lied. 

“You don’t look like you are,” Barriss observed. “I know it’s not my place to ask, but if you ever need someone to talk to, I’m here.” 

Only able to nod in response, she let herself be led by Barriss to what she deemed her cozy area. The Slytherin girl had a gentle hold on her arm until they finally arrived at a secluded area towards the back of the library. It exuded warmth and comfort, littered with beanbags, a couch, a small coffee table, and even a lit fireplace. 

“I didn’t know this existed,” Ahsoka said in amazement as she allowed herself to sink into one of the beanbags. 

“I made it,” Barriss explained. “Over the summer, I helped Madame Nu reorganize and clean the entire library as a summer job. During that time, I decided to make my own small space here hidden under a disillusionment charm so I could have a nice place to unwind and study during breaks.” 

“That’s… really clever. Are you sure you’re not supposed to be in Ravenclaw?” 

Barriss smiled as she took a seat on the couch and poured two cups of tea, offering one to Ahsoka. She took it. “The Hat suggested it, but I requested to be put in Slytherin.” 

“You did?” Ahsoka asked incredulously with wide eyes. “Why?” 

“Because I think I belonged there more than in Ravenclaw. Besides, I think you shouldn’t be put into a House with qualities that you already have. You’d get a lot more out of being around people who have ideals that you want to obtain. Although I was clever and studious, I wanted to be more resourceful and assertive as a person. That’s why I asked to be in Slytherin.” 

“Wow, I’ve never thought about it that way. Makes me wish I’d chosen Slytherin, to be honest.” 

“You seem to embody a lot of Slytherin traits already, though. I’ve heard only good things about you and Skywalker during Dueling Club.” 

Ahsoka winced at the mention of Anakin. From the corner of her eye, she saw Barriss turn her head to look at her. 

“I apologize. Did I upset you?” 

“No, you’re okay. It’s just…” she waited for a while to gather her thoughts. Barriss repositioned herself so that she was facing Ahsoka, her eyes curious but patient and kind. 

“Anakin and I had another argument today,” she finally confessed. “Something’s been bothering him recently but he hasn’t told me anything. He actually… really hasn’t told me anything for the past two months now. Ever since he met Ben Kenobi.” 

Barriss nodded sympathetically. 

“It’s not- it’s not like I don’t like Kenobi,” she continued. “It’s just that- he’s such a good friend to Anakin and he cares so much for him. All my life, I’ve wanted to be just like Ben. I looked up to him for so long. Merlin, I’ve even talked about him multiple times to Anakin. But… now that I see how well they get along together, I just- I didn’t realize… I didn’t know that maybe, just maybe, he’s getting tired of me. 

“He and I have been best friends for so long that we’ve never really hung out with anybody else. I’ve never really had any other friends and neither has he. And the fact that he now has Ben and I still don’t have anyone else, it makes me feel like a loser.” 

“You’re not a loser, Ahsoka. What you’re feeling is perfectly normal, I promise.” 

Ahsoka laughed dryly before finally taking a sip of her tea. Tears had seemed to well up in her eyes before her head dropped and she felt them softly streak down her cheeks. She held the cup of tea tightly as her throat started to tense. 

“I… I don’t want to be left behind. But I also want to be my own person.” 

Barriss shook her head, scooting closer to the curled up Gryffindor. “You are your own person, Ahsoka. You just need to learn how to express it. And possibly make some new friends of your own.” 

After a long moment of somewhat comfortable silence, Ahsoka finally lifted her head and nodded. She used the sleeve of her uniform to wipe the tears off of her face. “I know this is gonna probably sound lame, but, do you want to be friends?” 

The Slytherin girl gave her a warm smile. “I believe we already are.” 

  
  


~

  
  


Ben had decided to give Anakin space. He honestly couldn’t blame Anakin for his reaction. Besides, he probably would have done the same if subjected to a kiss in public and then, immediately after, be put on the spot about a relationship. 

Sighing heavily, he continued to pick at his food as he absently listened to his best friends’ more lighthearted conversation about schoolwork. 

He grimaced as he remembered the vision that he had after Anakin ran. 

_ The tip of a wand pointing at his face. Scared blue eyes. Sweat pouring down his forehead.  _

With a shake of his head and another sigh, he finally caught Cody’s attention. 

“Mate, are you sure you’re alright? I know you took Skywalker by surprise there earlier, but you shouldn’t beat yourself up about it.” 

Ben carded both of his hands through his hair, tugging on his long strands. He still had to ask Satine for that haircut. 

“Satine, do you think you could trim my hair again tonight?” 

“Oh darling, but the long hair looks so lovely on you.” 

Quinlan snorted and rolled his eyes. “Long? Do you even know who’s sitting next to you?” 

“Oh hush, Quin. No one asked,” she retorted before turning back to Ben. “Sure, I can trim it after dinner.”

Cody let out a short chuckle before also refocusing on Ben again, patting him comfortingly on the shoulder. “Hey, you can talk to us, you know?” 

He did know, but he really didn’t want to. 

“Love, do tell us what’s wrong. We only want to help,” Satine said gently, her usually icy blue eyes melting into pools of clear water. She only softened her gaze for certain people; he could probably count those people on one hand. 

“After I kissed Anakin, I had another vision again,” Ben mumbled so quietly that if the three weren’t listening so intently, it would’ve been lost under the dull roar of the students dining in the Great Hall. 

Ben didn’t miss the look his three best friends shared at his confession. Merlin, he never liked it when they did that. 

“Ben, are you sure you don’t want to go to a professor about this? This may be more serious than what you’re letting on,” Quinlan said. 

Satine nodded. “I believe I have to agree with Quin. You’ve been having these visions for a while and they don’t seem to have good intentions. I remember reading about when Harry Potter had similar flashes of visions-” 

“Okay, stop. Stop!” Ben interrupted, squeezing his eyes shut and begging Merlin above for patience and stability. “We’re not involving any professors, we’ve been over this.” 

His best friends didn’t look convinced. 

“Listen,” he pressed. “I’m going to talk to Qui-Gon tonight via floo call before - well,  _ if  _ \- Anakin returns to my room for the night. I promise, I’m taking care of it. But for Merlin’s sake, I beg you all, please don’t tell any professors.” 

His sharp gaze scanned his three friends’ faces. Although they didn’t look relieved at all, they did seem like they respected his wishes. However, they didn’t say anything after that. Rather, they continued to eat in silence. 

  
  


~

  
  
  


After finishing their homework and studying for a bit, Ahsoka and Barriss were making their way out of the library when Ahsoka caught a glimpse of a familiar face.  _ No fucking way. _

She didn’t realize that she had stopped right in the middle of the library. Barriss turned around and gave her a questioning look. “You alright?”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m okay!” Ahsoka finally said after coming out of her stupor. “I’m gonna hang around for a little longer, you can go ahead.” 

“Okay,” Barriss nodded. “Want to meet up for breakfast tomorrow morning, then? Maybe 9 am?” 

“Sure! Although, I’d prefer 10:30 am if I’m being honest.” 

Barriss laughed and waved goodbye before exiting the library. 

Ahsoka took a quick glance at her surroundings before she found her. Padme Amidala. 

After miraculously finding some courage, Ahsoka walked toward the seventh year Ravenclaw who was seated at one of the tables. Stacks of books surrounded her and she was fervently writing on fresh parchment. 

“Padme?” 

The Ravenclaw froze, clearly startled, and nearly dropped her quill. She summoned it back into her hand and quickly turned around, her brown eyes wide in surprise. When their faces met, the older female immediately relaxed and lowered her wand. 

“Hello, Tano,” she said shortly as she returned to her writing. “Do you need something?” 

“You can still call me Ahsoka, if you want.” 

“Tano, if you don’t have any pressing issues that require my assistance, I’d like to return to my essay, please.” 

Ahsoka bit her lip. Maybe she shouldn’t have tried to talk to her again. However, she couldn’t help but keep trying. Despite Padme and Anakin’s brief relationship that had quickly turned sour a year ago, she did miss the older Ravenclaw. She was like a mother figure to her. 

“I’m not here because of Anakin,” Ahsoka finally said. This caused Padme to stop writing. However, she didn’t meet her eyes. 

“Then why are you here?” Padme asked slowly. 

“Because I miss you, Padme. And I miss being friends with you.” 

A quiet moment passed as Padme nibbled on her lip thoughtfully. Finally, she sighed, pushed back her chair, and stood up. 

Ahsoka did not expect a hug from Padme, but after so long, she gladly accepted it like a pitcher of water after days in the desert. They stood there, arms wrapped around each other, for a long time. Ahsoka buried her face into Padme’s robes and Padme gently brushed her fingers through Ahsoka’s hair. 

“You have no idea how much I missed you, Ahsoka,” Padme whispered. “So much.” 

“I missed you too,” Ahsoka replied, her voice muffled by cloth. 

Both of them giggled as they finally released their embrace, the air around them much more relaxed now. Ahsoka took the seat next to Padme. 

“So how have you been?” Padme asked. 

Ahsoka gave her a bashful smile as she pushed some hair from her face. Starved for more attention and grateful to receive it from someone whom she had missed for a while, the Gryffindor allowed herself to unload.

  
  


~

  
  


The room smelled faintly of burnt liquid. Anakin scrunched his face in disgust as he cast another cleaning charm on the cauldron before he was satisfied. 

“Thank you for your help, Anakin, truly,” Professor Plo said as he finished reorganizing the ingredients on the shelves. 

“Anytime, Plo.” 

“Now, not that I don’t enjoy your company here, but I can sense something on your mind.” The professor turned to him with a raised eyebrow. “Care to share your thoughts?” 

Anakin’s shoulders sagged as he sighed and heated up a clean cauldron. He decided to brew a Wideye Potion, as it looked like he wasn’t going to be sleeping tonight. 

Professor Plo took a seat at his desk, pulling out a stack of essays he had yet to grade. He knew the drill already. 

Ever since he was in third year, whenever Anakin was upset, he’d come here, help clean the classroom, and then brew a potion. The process and the theory were always fascinating to him. He couldn’t wait to take NEWT Potions next year with Plo. 

“Thank you, really. But I think I’m just going to focus on brewing for now.” 

Professor Plo nodded in understanding, giving him a warm smile before going back to his essays. 

“Mind if I use your ingredients?” Anakin asked, though he always knew the answer. 

Nevertheless, for what seemed like the hundredth time, the professor nodded and gestured towards the shelves. 

After a few minutes of deciphering the best quality ingredients, Anakin returned to his cauldron with a jar of snake fangs, a handful of dried billywig sting, and wolfsbane. Checking the cauldron heat, he added six of the dried billywig sting into the cauldron. 

As he crushed the snake fangs and standard ingredient in the mortar, Anakin wondered what the hell he was gonna do about Ben. 

Then the timer charm he had cast for thirty seconds went off. He added his crushed ingredients into the cauldron and started stirring. He waved his wand and left the mixture to simmer, casting another timer charm for eight hours. 

_ Merlin, eight hours. Should’ve thought this through a bit more.  _

“Professor?” 

Professor Plo looked up from his papers. “Yes, Anakin?” 

“What do you… What do you do when you mess up… really badly and- and the person you wronged has no idea, but you also don’t want them to be angry at you, but you also want to tell them the truth?” 

Professor Plo tapped his chin with his quill thoughtfully before he stood up and walked towards Anakin. He sat on a table, facing him. “Well, I believe that if you wronged someone and they weren’t aware of it, then they deserve to know. Regardless of whether they end up being angry or not, the least you can do is tell them the truth.” 

Anakin stayed silent as he scratched the back of his head and started putting away his leftover ingredients, save for the wolfsbane that would be added in later. “But what if you just try to do them right next time? And you really try to be a better person afterwards?” 

“That’s a very noble and important thing to do after you wrong someone, Anakin. However, I don’t think it’s wise to withhold information from someone you care about, especially if you don’t want them to be angry at you. The consequences could mean your friendship.” 

Glancing quickly at his cauldron to make sure the potion was brewing correctly, he pinched the bridge of his nose and then carded through his hair. “Do you… do you think I’m a shitty person?” 

The professor shook his head, resting a hand on Anakin’s shoulder. “No, I do not think you’re a bad person. You made a mistake, just like everyone else here in this world. Now how big that mistake is, I do not know. All I know is that it starts by telling the person that you wronged exactly what you did, and apologizing for it. Then being better. That is the best advice I can give you.” 

Plo released his hand from his shoulder and returned back to his desk to continue grading his stack of essays. “I suggest getting some sleep soon. Although tomorrow is Sunday, you don’t want to develop unhealthy sleeping habits.” 

Anakin simply nodded as he slumped back in his seat. Even though his eyes were glued to the cauldron in front of him, his mind was off in another place. Perhaps, a place where he made better choices. A place where he could be kissing Ben right now, along with other things, without this huge black hole of guilt swallowing him up. 

He was almost tempted to point the wand at himself this time and cast that blasted memory charm so that he could forget that night. 

As he shifted in his seat, he heard a slight crinkle of paper from his back pocket. Furrowing his eyebrows, he reached into the pocket and pulled out the shrunken poster he had made. He cast a spell to revert it to its original size. 

He cast a spell to reanimate the drawing again, watching it move smoothly. However, to his horror, the black stripe that he had accidentally streaked against Ben’s forehead earlier had reappeared, flickering in and out of the drawing. 

Without thinking, Anakin heatedly whispered, “ _ Incendio, _ ” setting the poster on fire. 

With a wave a dread begrudgingly settling into a deep pit in his stomach, he watched passively as the flames slowly engulfed the drawing, inching their way towards Ben. In the blink of an eye, the entire poster was now a pile of ashes. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ahsoka needs a hug, not a kiss. 
> 
> Anakin needs to address his guilt, not a kiss. 
> 
> Ben needs therapy, not a kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! I'm sorry that it's been a while since my last update, but I hope you all enjoy this next installment! 
> 
> Thank you to Ana for looking this over for me! :)

The walls seemed to expand before her, darkness dominating her vision. Ahsoka pulled the sweater she had donned on closer to her body, the draft from the castle nipping at her arms. She noted to herself to start wearing warmer clothes from here on out. 

After descending into the dungeons, the chilly air gradually dissipated as the warmth of the potions classroom engulfed her body in a cozy embrace. She pushed the door open. 

“Hey dad!” 

Professor Plo looked up from his desk, a small smile gracing his lips. “Soka! How was your day, love?” 

The Gryffindor rolled her eyes at the nickname. “It was good! I’m gonna try out for Gryffindor’s Quidditch team tomorrow night so I need my broom. Is it still in the office?” 

“Yes, it should be leaning against the shelf closest to the back wall.” 

Ahsoka nodded and almost -  _ almost -  _ walked past her best friend, who was clearly knocked out at one of the tables next to a heated cauldron. 

“Dad…” 

“Yes?” 

“Why is Anakin here again?” 

Plo sighed and nudged his glasses back to rest at the top of his nose bridge. “He wanted to brew a Wideye Potion. Seemed like he was having a rough day.” 

“Yeah, he always comes here when he does,” Ahsoka murmured with a frown. She turned to her dad, her eyes wide with a million unspoken questions. “Did he say anything to you?” 

“He did,” he answered simply. “However, it is not my place to tell you, and you know that.” 

Ahsoka rolled her eyes.  _ Of course it wasn’t her place. Honestly, does the dumbass actually tell her anything anymore? _

“I know,” she groaned. “I just thought-” 

“That you can jump in to save the day like always?” 

The Gryffindor shot her dad an exasperated glare, which immediately lost its edge when he returned with his own knowing stare. 

“Yeah.” 

“It seems like this is a problem that Anakin has to solve on his own, Ahsoka. You can’t always be the one to single handedly fix all of his issues. How can he ever become better if you do?” 

After a moment of thought, Ahsoka nodded in understanding. She silently summoned her broom from the closet before slumping onto a desk, eyes fixated on her lap. 

Another quiet moment passed like a gentle breeze in the rather warm classroom. Ahsoka lifted her head to look at her dad. 

“You know,” Professor Plo started, his hand putting down the quill, “at first I didn’t understand why the Sorting Hat put you into Gryffindor. I always thought that you’d be in Hufflepuff. You have always been such a hard worker, extremely loyal to the people who cared about you, and you always did what was right. But then… as you grew, I realized why you are a Gryffindor.

“You have a fire inside of you, Ahsoka. A fire to help the people you love, to do what is right, and to stand up for what you believe in. You have courage, you’re adventurous, and you’ve always been eager to try new things. And I’m so proud of how much you’ve grown.” 

Her roughly chapped lips quivered as she shook her head. “Thanks, dad, but I think you give me too much credit.” 

“No, Ahsoka, I believe that you don’t give yourself enough.” 

That statement lingered in her head much longer than she’d have liked it to.

“I’ll go ahead and take Anakin back up to his room,” Ahsoka offered. 

Plo nodded. “Sounds good. Don’t worry, I’ll take care of his potion. I’ll use it as an example for my first years on Monday.” 

  
  


~ 

  
  


Ben fidgeted with his hands again, an old habit that had died and then returned stubbornly as of recent. Pacing his room, he tried to find his breath. However, the pacing didn’t help. 

Damn it. 

Forcibly gluing his feet to one area of his room, Ben closed his eyes and exhaled softly. He let the air swoop through his nose and inflate his lungs, holding the breath for a few seconds before the air rushed out through his lips. He repeated the process a few times before a head appeared in his fireplace. More specifically, Qui-Gon’s head. 

“Qui-Gon!” Ben exclaimed, rushing over to the fireplace. 

The ember-lit face smiled warmly (pun very much intended) at him. “Benjamin Christopher Kenobi. How have you been?” 

Rouge painted the Hufflepuff’s face all over at the mention of his full name. “I-I’ve been doing alright, sir.” 

Qui-Gon raised an eyebrow. “And that’s why you’ve called me, then?” 

_ The smartass git.  _

He hesitated for a moment before finally answering, “No. I’m afraid not. I’ve… been having strange visions, or dreams of the sort. But they don’t feel like dreams or visions from the future. It felt like they had already happened. They felt  _ real. _ ” 

The old man looked thoughtful. “That sounds mildly worrisome, Ben. Would you tell me more about these visions?” 

Ben’s face lit up like the Gryffindor common room again. “Er- I’d prefer not to, sorry. They’re… private.” 

Qui-Gon looked as if he was about to insist further, before deciding against it. 

The seventh year sighed. “I also haven’t been keeping up with my medication either, so that might be a huge factor,” he admitted as he closed his eyes tightly.

“Ben, I know you want to feel normal and wean off of your medication, but it’s important to take it. No matter how good and stable you feel. There’s no shame in drinking a potion every night to help with your troubled sleep and anxiety.” 

“But I’m doing fine, Qui-Gon! I really am!”  _ Liar,  _ a voice inside him hissed. 

“ _ Ben.”  _

The Hufflepuff instantly withered and sank deeper to the floor, a lump begrudgingly settled in his throat. He could’ve been better. He  _ should’ve  _ been better. 

“I know what you’re thinking,” Qui-Gon finally spoke after a moment of silence. “I’m not disappointed in you. I’m simply reminding you that you have to take your medication. You cannot keep neglecting your mental health like this. Now, I think we should have another session to keep tracking your medication intake and also investigate possible sources of your visions. Does next Sunday at 8pm work for you?” 

Ben simply nodded in response, but otherwise, he was dead silent. His eyes refused to meet Qui-Gon’s.

This was the man whom his parents had called when he was a child and would wake up screaming in the middle of the night, would cry whenever his mum or dad would leave to go to the grocery store, or would have ferocious fits of panic or anger whenever he was upset. 

Qui-Gon was the psychiatrist who knew Ben inside and out, who knew even more than any of his best friends. And he was Ben’s dirty little secret that would stay hidden. 

He felt heat cloud behind his eyes as the crevice in his heart started to tremor, summoning an earthquake of pent up emotions. 

“I-” 

“Ben!” 

Ben’s head shot up and he willed his body to still. The voice definitely was not Qui-Gon’s, for it sounded much younger and female. Either way, the voice sounded desperate. 

“Sorry, Qui-Gon, I have to hang up quite abruptly.” 

Qui-Gon smiled. “It’s not a problem, Benjamin. I’ll see you next Sunday?” 

Ben blushed and tilted his head in affirmation. He watched Qui-Gon’s face disappear from the flames before walking towards the door and opening it. He was definitely not prepared for the rather comedic yet slightly disturbing sight that beheld him. 

“Hi Ben! Sorry to bother you!” Ahsoka said with a strained smile plastering her face. Next to her was a levitating sleeping Anakin, his feet just inches off of the ground. At first sight, Ben probably wouldn’t have noticed that he was asleep and merely floating. He nodded his head, impressed. 

“Clever. Nice charm work,” Ben commented with a slight smile. Ahsoka returned it with one of her own as she gently pushed Anakin’s dozed form through the door towards Ben. 

“Thanks. I’m sorry, I didn’t know where else to go and the Slytherin dorms aren’t as… accessible.” 

“It’s quite alright. Thank you for bringing him.” 

As Ben levitated Anakin towards the Slytherin bed placed on the other side of the room, he felt Ahsoka’s eyes following her best friend’s floating form. 

“So he does sleep here with you,” she said. 

Ben didn’t feel like lying again, so he gave no reply. He merely went over to Anakin and gently tucked him into bed, gingerly placing a kiss on his forehead and smoothing a hand through his hair. An endearing smile melted onto his face as he looked at the Slytherin. 

When he turned around, Ahsoka was still leaning against the doorframe, her arms crossed. The light from the fireplace cast deep shadows on her face.

“Something on your mind, Ahsoka?” Ben asked nonchalantly.

For a minute or so, the only sound that filled the air was the crackle of the fireplace. Ahsoka opened her mouth slightly, words seemingly ready to tumble out like an avalanche, but then they vanished as quickly like dust swept up by a vacuum. She shook her head, her eyes tilted downward. 

“No, nothing. Goodnight, Kenobi.” 

Ben stood there, speechless, watching the overcast shadows of the walls swallow her small figure as she walked away into the night. 

  
  


~

  
  


As Ben emerged from the bathroom, donned in a comfy pair of pajamas, he heard mumbling coming from Anakin’s side of the room. The Hufflepuff exhaled lightly before heading towards his own bed, deciding to leave his roommate alone. He was probably sleep talking anyway. 

At least, that was what he had wanted to believe until he heard his name. 

“Bennnn,” Anakin groaned out, his voice slightly muffled from possibly his pillow. 

“Oh for Merlin’s sake,” Ben hissed before he walked over to the other bed and bent down to meet Anakin’s face, hidden under the mound of soft sheets and pillows. “Yes, Anakin?” 

Anakin’s blue eyes, groggy from exhaustion indicated by the dragging lines and drooping lids, flickered towards him. “‘m sorry ‘bout… earlier today.” 

A sad yet adoring smile etched onto Ben’s face as he let out a dry chuckle. He carefully laid a hand on Anakin’s shoulder. “It’s alright. I’m sorry too, I shouldn’t have done something so brash like that in public.” 

“‘s okay,” Anakin managed to say through a yawn. Ben’s heart quivered in his chest. Merlin, he wanted to kiss him right then and there. “Just… can we just be friends?” 

Ben’s smile withered slightly as an invisible chain tightened around his heart, choking the air out of it. He grasped for any stream of words in his vocabulary for a response, but instead only clutched emptiness. A breath caught in his throat before he willed himself to let it out as a short exhale. 

Finding the last bit of strength he could, he yanked the corners of his lips upward into a barely convincing faux smile. 

“Of course, Anakin,” he answered softly. He cursed himself for the slight tremble in his voice. He tried to swallow his nerves down. “We can just be... whatever you’d like for us to be.” 

He didn’t have enough strength to say _just_ _be_ _friends._

  
  


~

  
  


A week had passed and Ahsoka was exhausted as she trudged back towards the castle from the pitch. She was ecstatic to be Gryffindor’s backup Seeker, but the soreness from constant drills and practices four days a week had started nibbling at all points of her body. 

Not to mention the fact that she still couldn’t get any of the damned drills right. She had been training with the team’s Seeker and she still couldn’t keep the Snitch in her sight - nor in her hand - at all. Luckily, it was a Friday and that meant that she had at least all of tomorrow to catch her breath. 

“Ahsoka!” Rex’s voice called out. 

The Gryffindor girl stopped in her tracks and turned to face the twin. “Yeah?”

“I was wondering if you wanted to join us in the common room later for a drink?” 

Ahsoka felt her teeth scrape her bottom lip anxiously. “Sure, why not?” 

“Great! I suppose we should head back now, yeah?” He said as he slapped her on the arm, causing the small parchment in her pocket to fall out. 

“Fuck,” Ahsoka mumbled as she quickly summoned the parchment into her hand. 

“Ah, sorry about that!” 

“You’re fine, you’re fine,” she reassured, tucking the shrunken map back into her pocket. 

“You bring that with you everywhere?” Rex asked as they walked back to the castle. 

Ahsoka didn’t answer, her eyes glued forward and her right fist tightly clenched around her broom. 

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to pry.” 

“I know you didn’t mean to,” she responded icily. 

After heading back to Gryffindor Tower and cleaning up, Ahsoka slipped into a loose T-shirt and a pair of baggy sweatpants. She summoned the parchment paper from the pocket of her active pants and slipped into her bed, casting a Silencing Charm. Although the shame wallowed in her chest, she found herself already whispering  _ “I solemnly swear I’m up to no good,” _ activating the map. Her eyes automatically cast down to the Head Boy room on the map, where Kenobi and Anakin’s names were hovering near each other. 

With a slight huff, she murmured a quick  _ “Mischief Managed”  _ before stashing away the parchment in her bedside drawer and heading down to the common room. She found Rex and a few others from the team racuously playing Exploding Snap, surrounded by half-empty shot glasses and a large bottle of Firewhiskey. 

“Hey Ahsoka! Come join us!” Rex yelled, waving her over. 

Ahsoka graced a small smile on her face and slowly walked toward Rex and his friends. The seventh-year opened up a spot for her, which she gratefully took. 

“Ever played Exploding Snap?” one of the team members asked. 

“Only a few times,” Ahsoka answered, her eyes sweeping over the cards laid out on the table. “Which version are we playing?” 

“Classic but with our own drinking game twist,” Rex explained. “Each round, everyone who doesn’t get the point has to take a shot of Firewhiskey.” 

_ Oh dear god, what did you get yourself into, Ahsoka? Skyguy would kill you if he found out you were taking shots. Or, he’d have to take a number after dad.  _

She internally grinned like the Cheshire Cat.  _ The overprotective men in her life could go and fuck themselves, for all I care.  _

After an hour - or maybe three? - had passed, Ahsoka felt absolutely sluggish with four shots already in her. Bitterly, she thought,  _ maybe I should’ve eaten something before this.  _

“You alright there, kid?” Rex laughed out. She felt a strong hand on her back when she realized she had slowly been tipping over. 

“Hungry,” she barely mumbled through her lips, everything around her spinning. 

“Hey, hey, take it easy, okay?” Rex said softly, his voice no longer pounding her eardrums. She turned her head and found herself in the seventh-year’s arms. “How about I get you some water and we can go down to the kitchens and get you something to eat, yeah?” 

The fifth-year girl managed a slight nod as the entire world became horizontal. Then, she realized Rex was carrying her bridal style to his room. 

“Oi, be careful with her, mate!” One of his teammates called out drunkenly. “If Skywalker finds out, he’s gonna break your fucking bones!” 

Roaring laughter broke out at that statement; even Rex couldn’t help but chuckle as he carried her into his dorm. He gently placed her on his bed and started digging around his chest. 

“Rex…” 

The twin looked up from his search, his brown eyes wide and attentive. Ahsoka’s next breath caught in her throat. She didn’t even notice that she was being offered a bottle of water. What did draw her attention, however, was the dark-haired Gryffindor’s close proximity to her, and the way his eyes shined with concern and a certain gentleness that made her stomach keel over. She was 99.9% sure it wasn’t the alcohol this time. 

“Drink as much as you need to,” he said, opening the bottle of water and holding it out to her. 

Ahsoka took the bottle gratefully and chugged the water at an ungodly pace. Her eyes flickered back to Rex, whose back was now turned to her. 

She felt like she was in a heated scene of a romance film, unashamedly watching his muscles ripple as the older Gryffindor took off his sweater and put on a loose white T-shirt. 

Even when he turned around to face her, Ahsoka couldn’t tear her eyes away from him. The alcohol seemed to only encourage the pleasant buzz in her head, the rapid beating in her chest, and the unsettling want in her stomach. 

“You alright there, kid?” Rex asked, his voice pitch slightly higher as a nervous smile breached his face. 

Ahsoka pouted. “You can use my name, you know. I’m not a kid.” 

Rex shook his head as he kneeled beside the bed to face her, his eyes not quite meeting hers this time. “Alright... Ahsoka.” 

Her heart sang happily at the sound of her name from his lips; she smiled widely. 

When she sensed Rex slowly pulling himself away from her proximity, she narrowed her eyes in determination and grabbed him by his shoulders and yanked him forward, smashing their lips together. 

“Mmf! Ahsoka!” Rex yelped. He frantically pushed her away, only the sound of heavy breathing permeating the room for a short while. 

“Why did you stop?” Ahsoka demanded, shakily sitting up as successfully as a boiled spaghetti noodle. 

“You’re drunk,” Rex deadpanned, his eyes wide as he stepped further and further away. 

“So?” 

“So! Ahsoka, this is  _ wrong!”  _ Rex yelled, rubbing a hand across his face before continuing. “Listen, you’re awesome, okay? And… And I like you as a friend, but nothing more.” 

Frustration filled Ahsoka’s chest as she shakily stood up and slapped Rex across the face. However, once the smack reverberated through the room, the full force of sobriety and regret sunk into her bones instantly. She brought her trembling hands to her face, tears threatening to spill from her eyes. 

“I… Rex, I’m sorry.” 

“It’s okay.” 

Rex frowned and reached a hand out to her sunken form, but she flinched away. 

Ahsoka drew her wand and apparated back to her room, surprisingly making it without splinching herself. She flung herself onto her bed, drawing the curtains and reinforcing the Silencing Charm before muffling her sobs into a pillow. 

  
  


~

  
  


“So you’re coming with me to Dueling Club tonight!”

“Absolutely not, Anakin.” 

“Please?” 

“This is the tenth time you’ve asked me, and that was only today.” 

“That’s because you’re a fucking hardass and you keep saying no!” 

“Well let me continue the cycle then.  _ No _ .” 

Anakin groaned into his hands, flashing a half-baked glare at Ben, who couldn’t help but grin triumphantly, arms folded across his chest. 

“What do you even do when I’m gone on Dueling Club nights?” 

“Read. Study. Hang out with friends- what do you think I am? Some introverted hermit?” 

“Yes,” Anakin quipped with a light smile. 

Ben rolled his eyes and wordlessly threw a mild tickling charm at the smug Slytherin. Unfortunately, despite their current topic of conversation, he had completely forgotten that he had decided to cast said charm towards the damn Dueling Club Captain of Hogwarts. 

In other words, Ben’s spell was easily deflected and he was now on the floor laughing from Anakin’s spell rebuttal. 

“Make it stop! Make it stop!” Ben choked through his laughter as he clutched his sides. 

“Nope!” Anakin said gleefully as he plopped onto his bed, sitting up slightly with his elbows spread out behind his head. 

“You bastard!” Ben shouted as he continued squealing at the irritating sensations all over his body. “ _ Levicorpus!”  _

Anakin effortlessly put up a shield, absorbing Ben’s spell. 

“Come to Dueling Club and maybe you can avoid this situation next time!” Anakin lilted. 

“Ugh! Fine! Now, if you’d please!” 

“Alright, alright, I guess I’ve had my fun,” Anakin said teasingly as he slowly got up from his bed, dusted off his robes, and felt his holster for his wand. “Ah shit, where did I put it?” 

“Oh for Merlin’s sake, Anakin!” Ben exclaimed. 

“I’m just joking, it’s right here!” The Slytherin announced, holding up his wand. He performed the reversal spell, leaving Ben breathless on the floor while still clutching at his sides. The ginger Hufflepuff flopped his head toward Anakin’s direction, his face showing that he was unamused.

Anakin appeared before the seventh-year’s lying form. He offered his hand to Ben. “Ready to go?” 

Ben shot him an endearing smile and took his hand, trying to ignore the brief memory flash and tingling sensation - not dissimilar to déjà vu - flooding his mind. He was surprised by Anakin's strength as the Slytherin practically lifted him back onto his feet. He tried not to linger his grip for too long, his face flushing profusely. 

“You’re as pink as a pygmy puff,” Anakin pointed out. 

“Ever the observer, aren’t you?” Ben quipped as he readjusted his robes and smoothed his hair. 

“Never said it was a bad thing. Pygmy puffs are cute,” Anakin replied as they both headed out of Ben’s dorm towards the Great Hall. 

“I suppose, but they can also be right terrors. I’d never want to work with those adorable fuzzballs, they can get quite bratty.” 

Anakin snorted. “Right. And that beats wanting to work with dragons, I suppose?” 

Ben’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion. He didn’t recall telling anyone about his future career interest except for Windu. “How did you know that I wanted to work with dragons?” 

The Slytherin’s eyes went wide with terror.  _ Fuck, no no no.  _ “I- didn’t you tell me in passing?” 

Ben shook his head fervently. “No, no I didn’t. This I know for sure. I had only told Windu up until this point. Did Windu ever mention anything to you?” 

“Um- maybe?” 

Ben stopped in his tracks, stepping in front of Anakin. His grey-blue eyes were staring into his now. “Anakin, tell me the truth.” 

Anakin could barely breathe.  _ The truth.  _

He closed his eyes, the memory still sour in his mind. 

_ “And she still doesn’t know?”  _

_ “No.”  _

_ “Anakin, you have to tell her-”  _

_ “All I know is that it starts by telling the person that you wronged exactly what you did, and apologizing for it. Then being better.” _

Alright. He sucked in a breath. Alright. Better person.  _ Because Ben deserves it.  _

He slowly slid Ben’s fingers through his, lifting his eyes to meet the Hufflepuff’s. No more secrets. No more hiding. 

“Ben, there’s something I have to tell you.” 

Ben’s eyes were such a still grey, a quiet murky fog instead of the usual swirling storm, and they were still as they focused on  _ him.  _

“Yes?” Ben asked softly, squeezing Anakin’s hands. 

“I… Please don’t hate me,” Anakin whispered hoarsely. 

“I’m not going to hate you, Anakin. Please, just tell me what’s wrong. I want to help.” 

Anakin laughed dryly and shook his head. “Trust me, you won’t want to after I tell you what I’ve done.” 

Ben’s eyes softened even more, glistening with worry and fear. “What are you talking about?” 

He took a deep breath, trying to memorize the pattern of Ben’s hands before he would lose them forever. 

“Ben, I-”

“ANAKIN! KENOBI!” 

The two of them instinctively separated and both of their heads turned to meet a slightly frustrated Ahsoka, who immediately rounded on Anakin. 

“You’re  _ 10 minutes  _ late! Where the fuck have you been?!” 

“Ahsoka, I’m sorry!” 

“Yeah well, Mr. Captain, everyone’s been wondering,” Ahsoka responded coldly. She regarded Ben with a withering look. “Are you just gonna stand there or what?” 

“Hey, hey! Ahsoka, easy, it was my fault,” Anakin interrupted as he intercepted her steely gaze towards Ben. “Please don’t blame Ben for this, okay?” 

Ahsoka flickered her gaze from Anakin to Ben and then back to Anakin. After a momentary stare down with Anakin, her face softened into one of embarrassment. 

“I’m sorry for yelling,” she said, rubbing her left arm. “I just… nevermind. We’re late. Are you coming too, Kenobi?” 

Ben shook himself out of his stupor. “Yes, yes, of course.” 

The three of them hurried down to the Great Hall, Anakin greeting everyone warmly and even high-fiving some of the members on his way to the front. The tables had been pushed back to the side and the floor was laid out with mats. 

Ben just waved shyly at some people he knew. Luckily, he found Quinlan at one of the mats and joined him while Anakin and Ahsoka made their way to the front. 

“Hi everyone!” Anakin yelled, capturing everyone’s attention and quieting the chatter. “Sorry I’m late! Thanks for coming tonight! So, who’s ready to go first?” 

“Barriss and I are!” Ahsoka volunteered. 

“What?!” The Slytherin girl protested as she was forcibly dragged to the center by the grinning Gryffindor. 

Eventually, Barriss sighed defeatedly and took her stance across from Ahsoka, both of them raising their wands. 

“On my mark! Ready… Set…” 

Barriss’s eyes snapped forward and before Anakin could even utter the last word, she fired her first spell toward Ahsoka, who deflected quickly and cast her own. 

Anakin watched proudly as the two of them dueled solidly for two minutes before Barriss started wearing out and Ahsoka had managed to finally disarm her, the wand landing gracefully in the Gryffindor’s left hand. 

“Nicely done, both of you!” Anakin praised, starting the applause. Everyone else joined in immediately, with some accompanying whoops and cheers. 

Ahsoka gave Barriss a one-sided hug, smiles slapped on both of their faces. “You did so good, Barriss! I’m so proud of you!” 

“Yeah, I agree,” Anakin echoed, also offering a warm smile. “Your reflexes are getting better. Just make sure to watch your left side. It’s a little weak and that’s where Ahsoka got you. Other than that, just keep increasing your stamina. You’re doing great!” 

“Thank you, Captain!” Barriss said, her eyes beaming with joy. “Come on, Ahsoka, let’s practice more!” 

Barriss tugged excitedly at Ahsoka’s elbow, leading her to a practice mat. “Okay, okay! Skyguy! We’re closing with a duel before this is over!” 

“Sure, Snips!” Anakin called out. “Alright guys! Partner up! Next opening is in ten minutes, so think about if you’re ready to volunteer with someone tonight!” 

  
  


~

  
  


“Nice to see you here, Quin,” Ben said amicably as the two stood across from each other, preparing their stances. 

“Always a pleasure,” the dark-haired Slytherin responded. “I see you still haven’t managed to corner Satine for a haircut yet.” 

“Yes, well, we were supposed to after that one dinner, but then the conversation took a rather cold turn.” 

Quin shook his head as he shot his first spell and Ben barely managed to deflect it. It looked like he was going easy on the poor Hufflepuff. “We have a right to be concerned about your mental health, Ben.” 

“I appreciate the concern, but I’m fine,” Ben responded, casting a mild Stinging Hex that Quin blocked with ease. “And please stop calling it ‘mental health,’” he added along with another hex that Quin’s shield absorbed. 

“You’re so stubborn, Ben. Always have been since we became friends. When will you actually admit that you have a problem?” Quin shot a Jelly Legs Jinx towards Ben. 

“I don’t have a problem, Quin.” Ben put up a shield, deflecting Quin’s spell.

“Yes, yes you do,” he said dryly as he cast another hex at Ben. 

“Oh, like you know what’s going on with me?” Ben barely dodged the hex with a quick sidestep. He wordlessly cast a fire charm towards Quin. 

Quin’s newly brought up shield caused Ben’s flames to ricochet. “Like hell I do! You only tell us what’s going on when we have to wheedle it out of you, and it’s exhausting, honestly. Like the three of us don’t have our own problems going on?” He shot three Knockback Jinxes in succession towards Ben. 

“You guys seem pretty fine to me!” Ben raised another shield, just strong enough to absorb the first two before the third one pushed him backward. 

“Oh yeah? Well, Cody lied about Satine being fine. She’s hurt, Ben. She’s hurt that you kissed her when you bloody well know that she still has feelings for you!” Quin yelled, overstepping Ben’s turn and sending another Knockback Jinx his way.

“I didn’t mean to kiss her! It was a mistake!” Ben shouted angrily, almost on his feet before Quin’s spell hit him square in the chest, propelling him back once more and shoving him to the floor.

“You what?” another voice chimed in like a bitter chill intruding a warm house. 

Ben huffed, his breath coming up short as he pulled himself off of the floor. 

“It’s none of your business, Skywalker,” Quin warned. 

“Shut up, Vos,” Anakin bit back, his arms folding across his chest and his posture straightening to tower slightly over the other Slytherin. “And I believe you broke some rules during your duel as I was observing you both, so you can see yourself out.” 

Quin opened his mouth to respond when Ahsoka showed up at Anakin’s side, her face stone cold, and her arms also crossed over her chest. He looked around and finally noticed the silence that was now clouding the Great Hall, everyone trying their best not to look in his direction but failing profusely. 

Eventually, Quin huffed. His eyes deadly bore into Anakin’s for a brief moment before he swiftly turned around. He regarded Ben coldly. “We did it for your own good, Ben,” he said before he stalked out of the Great Hall. 

Ahsoka’s eyes scanned the room. “Well get back to it, everyone! Nothing to see here!” 

Anakin and Ahsoka shared a glance and nodded their heads in unison. The Gryffindor girl returned to her duel with Barriss on the other side of the room. 

Meanwhile, Anakin turned towards Ben’s slumped yet still standing figure. He was cradling his stomach and trembling terribly. Anakin decided to be merciful and let go of the subject of Ben possibly kissing a girl. Instead, he wrapped an arm around Ben’s shoulders and led him out of the Great Hall. 

“Ahsoka!” Anakin called out. Ahsoka’s eyes snapped towards him as she shielded against a hex from Barriss. She took one look and nodded in understanding. Anakin sighed in relief, knowing the rest of the meeting would go swimmingly in Ahsoka’s hands. 

As they trudged out of the Great Hall, Anakin said softly, “Let’s take you to Madame Unduli’s-” 

“No, Anakin, please. I’m fine,” Ben insisted. 

“Stop saying that! You were hit with a Knockback and you can barely breathe.” 

“Can’t you just use a healing charm?” Ben pleaded, his mind whirring with sudden flashes of memories and bits of knowledge he didn’t know he had. “I know you practice them on yourself whenever you hurt yourself during training.” 

Anakin’s eyes widened in confusion. “How did you…? Nevermind. Here, let me see if I can try it, okay? But I’m gonna need you to sit down against the wall here.” 

“Okay.” 

With a somewhat combined effort, Anakin helped Ben sit down and prop his upper body against the wall. He then inched forward on his knees close to the Hufflepuff, his hand reaching for the buttons on his shirt but pulling backward with a catch in his breath. 

“I- uh,” Anakin flickered his eyes up to Ben’s. “Do you mind if I…?” 

Ben’s face flushed a deep red. “Yeah, no, go ahead.” 

Anakin nodded in reply and tentatively started unbuttoning Ben’s shirt, his fingers fumbling and trembling profusely. Ben had enough mind to cast a Privacy Charm around the two of them. 

When Anakin fully unbuttoned Ben’s shirt, he pushed the fabric further apart to see minor bruises on his chest. Anakin nodded. “Okay,” he whispered more to himself as he grabbed his wand. “I’m no charm whiz but I’ll try my best. Do you trust me?” 

Ben’s eyes met his; they were now a clear blue-grey, the pale hue coloring a snowy forest on a peaceful winter night. 

“I do.” 

The invisible chain wrapped around Anakin’s heart and his gut clenched mercilessly, restricting his breathing. He squeezed his eyes shut, hoping to anyone up there that he’d do this simple charm correctly. He had already messed up enough for this man in front of him - a man he didn’t deserve, a man that he (unbeknownst to him) had ruined forever. 

_ “Ferula,”  _ he whispered, pointing his wand at Ben’s chest. Slowly, the bruise marks melted away, transforming into clear healthy skin. Ben’s breathing sounded less labored as well. 

Anakin cracked a grin and he laughed softly, Ben joining in with breathy chuckles and a smile of his own. Then Anakin realized just how close the two of them were. And how good Ben’s torso had looked. He snapped his eyes to the Hufflepuff’s face, meeting Ben’s own gaze of awe and wonder, and something slightly heated underneath. 

With a shaky hand, Ben gently caressed and then cradled the side of Anakin’s face, his touch ghostly yet ethereal, sending shivers down Anakin’s spine. 

Anakin closed his eyes, his breath short and his body yearning towards the man in front of him with desire, fallen victim to the siren sound of a whimper Ben had not managed to cover. 

Ben’s other hand grabbed the hem of Anakin’s shirt and yanked the Slytherin forward, their lips crashing together in a heated kiss. 

Anakin melted instantly, so touch-starved of affection that he let himself drown. He cupped Ben’s face with his hands as he moved onto the older boy’s lap.

“Fuck, I missed this,” Anakin muttered between Ben’s affectionate advances, the Hufflepuff’s lips slowly trailing down his neck. “Merlin, I missed this so much.” 

Ben chuckled against his collarbone, eliciting ripples of pleasure throughout Anakin’s body. “I’ve only kissed you once, you idiot.” 

“Yeah, yeah, whatever. Kept dreaming about this all the time, dreaming about you.” 

Ben rolled his eyes. “Don’t turn this into a cringe romantic scene from a novel or a film, Anakin.” 

“I’m serious,” Anakin whined, gently tugging on Ben’s hair and meeting him for another kiss. 

“Mhm,” Ben merely hummed, his hands moving to Anakin’s waist and pulling him closer. When they separated again, he pushed a strand of dirty blonde hair away from Anakin’s face before running his hand through the matted yet wavy strands. Anakin almost swooned at Ben’s bluish-grey irises, so engulfed by his dark pupils that he could almost see his reflection in them. 

“I love you, Anakin.” 

The blood previously pumping through Anakin’s veins became pure ice, rippling a frigid chill throughout his body. 

Before he could string together a response, they heard footsteps in the distance gradually increasing in volume. They both swore and separated quickly, Ben panickedly buttoning his shirt while Anakin smoothed his hair and his robes, using his sleeve to wipe the extra sheen of moisture from his lips. When they both looked somewhat presentable, Ben took down the Privacy Charm just as Professor Windu emerged from the dark halls. 

“Kenobi, Skywalker, just the two people I was looking for.” 

Ben applied a polite smile on his face and nodded in acknowledgment. “Professor Windu.” 

“Sir,” Anakin mumbled out. 

“If you two would come with me to my office, please. There is an important matter that a certain colleague of mine and I would like to discuss with you both.” 

The two students exchanged a nervous look as they both trailed briskly behind Professor Windu. When they finally entered Windu’s office, Anakin felt the temperature drop. Although he didn’t know the other man in the room, it was perfectly clear that Ben did, and that this man was  _ not  _ someone Ben wanted to see. 

“Ben,” the man nodded before turning to Anakin. “Apologies for such a brief introduction, Anakin, but I’m Dr. Qui-Gon Jinn.” 

“Please, take a seat,” Windu said, gesturing to two empty chairs across from Dr. Jinn. 

Ben shakily sat down, his body rigid and his face pale and stony. 

Anakin stood frozen at the front door. “Professor, what-” 

“Take a seat, Skywalker,” Windu repeated pointedly, gesturing to the empty seat once more. Anakin nodded defeatedly and sat down next to Ben. 

“Now, I’m not entirely sure why we called you in, Anakin, but we have observed that you and Ben are very close and we believe that you might be able to enlighten us with more information,” Qui-Gon started. 

Anakin clenched the fists currently placed at his sides, his jaw tightening. Ben continued to tremble next to him, his arms now cradling his stomach despite his perfectly rigid posture. 

“Kenobi,” Windu jumped in, “a few of your friends have come to me with a rather alarming concern for your mental health, so I took it upon myself to contact Dr. Jinn and he concurred that there are some worries he has with your memory flashes and your medication upkeep.” 

“I am keeping up with my medication, professor.” 

“But that is not the only thing that concerns us,” Qui-Gon responded. “Although you have been resuming your medication, you still have fleeting visions, do you not?” 

“When I dream, sometimes I do, and on other rare occasions,” Ben answered meekly. 

Anakin’s teeth fiddled with his bottom lip; his eyes had not moved from the floor ever since he sat down. 

“That means that your upkeep on your medication most likely has little to no partake in your visions. In fact, Professor Windu and I have discussed certain possibilities and we believe that you are suffering from retrograde amnesia.” 

“What-” Ben’s eyes widened, his rigid posture cracking as he yanked out of his seat in disbelief. 

“Kenobi, please sit back down. We understand that this is an enormous piece of information to unload on you, but you will not change anything by standing.” 

Ben, his hands gripping the arms of the chair for dear life, sucked an inhale and then let out a slightly less shaky exhale as he slowly sat back down. “I apologize, Professor. Please continue.” 

Windu nodded approvingly. “We believe it could be an incident where you were alone and you hit your head somewhere, or possibly, someone tampering with your memory.” 

“W-What do you mean tamper? Tamper as in, like when Voldemort infiltrated Harry Potter’s-”

“No no no, Ben, nothing like that,” Qui-Gon cut in gently. He shared another look with the professor. “We mean that, it is possible that someone could have used the memory charm to wipe out parts of your memories.” 

Ben’s eyes widened as his face paled so much further that he could have died on the spot and have become a ghost. 

Anakin, meanwhile, felt a part of himself die at that very moment. His eyes did not move from the fixated spot on the floor. Despite being outwardly still, his entire internal body was ready to explode, from the pounding in his chest to the blood rushing all over to the adrenaline screaming at him to run out of the office. But instead, he commanded his body to stay still. 

A set of eyes burned a mark on his forehead. He mechanically rose his head to meet Dr. Jinn’s searing stare, a set of laser eyes stamping the gigantic word  _ GUILTY  _ onto his forehead. 

Or maybe Anakin was imagining it. 

“Anakin,” Dr. Jinn said calmly, his gaze piercing, “perhaps you may have some vital insight to who or what could have wiped Ben’s memories into oblivion?” 

Anakin forced his throat to swallow the invisible block clogging his air passage. 

_ There was definitely no undoing the oblivion now.  _


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> That’s not a worthy explanation  
> I know there is none  
> Nothing can make sense of all these things I’ve done  
>  -Words Fail, Dear Evan Hansen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PLEASE READ! VERY IMPORTANT!
> 
> Hi everyone! Thank you so much for being patient! This chapter took forever because a lot goes down.   
> It was emotionally and mentally draining to write, soo I hope you guys like (aha or hate) it!   
> Also thank you to Macy for looking over this for me! <3 
> 
> This chapter is intense so here are some trigger warnings.  
> (if you don't have any triggers, feel free to ignore this bc these do contain spoilers!) 
> 
> TRIGGER WARNINGS:   
> -suicidal thoughts  
> -depression  
> -anxiety   
> -suicide attempt (no cutting/blood involved, not incredibly graphic)  
> -brief mentions of blood  
> -mild references to torture (if you squint really really hard)

The tension choked Anakin, grasping at his neck firmly. Despite his immense efforts to squeeze out any type of sound from his throat, nothing came forth. The repulsive stench of his guilt roiled off of his body in monstrous waves, crashing towards him in a realization that he was cornered. 

“I-” 

“No,” Ben’s voice cut in, uncharacteristically firm. The ginger shook his head wildly. “Qui-Gon, I know what you’re thinking. You suspect it’s Anakin.” 

The psychiatrist stood up straighter, his left eyebrow cocked up slightly. 

“But I know it’s not Anakin. It  _ couldn’t  _ be him,” Ben continued. Anakin felt a warm, albeit mildly clammy, sensation wash atop his right hand. It was Ben’s hand. The Hufflepuff slowly laced their fingers together. “I love him, and I know he loves me, so there’s no way he would erase my memory.” 

Qui-Gon’s laser gaze swiftly pointed back at Anakin, his blue eyes resembling the sharp coolness of ice as he carefully observed the Slytherin once more. 

“From what I remember,” Ben added, “Anakin was the first person I ran into after I was left alone on the seventh-floor hallway. He was having a panic attack - sorry Anakin, I hope you don’t mind me saying that - and I helped him, so it couldn’t have been him.” 

Anakin gently squeezed Ben’s hand, signaling that the personal information he gave out was okay with him. 

Ben’s eyes widened. “It all makes sense now,” he said to himself as his other hand rubbed his chin. His body turned towards Anakin, who flinched slightly in response. However, the blond’s reaction instantly melted at the sight of Ben’s warm smile and shining crinkled eyes. “That’s why you know about how I want to work with dragons when I’m older. I had told you, didn’t I? Because… I remember… We were friends,  _ best  _ friends. And even more than that. That’s why we instantly took to each other, didn’t we? And… that’s why you wanted to wait on our relationship, didn’t you?” 

Anakin was quivering in his seat, his face heating up like a volcano ready to erupt, hot tears pooling up in his eyes as he tried to breathe. However, now both his chest and his throat were choking on the guilt pressing against him. He clenched his eyes shut.

“I’m-” Anakin choked on the rest of his statement.  _ Sorry. I’m sorry. Please don’t hate me. Please don’t tell me you love me anymore. I’m so so-  _

“I’m sorry, Anakin,” Ben whispered as his two hands - now both of them interlaced with his own - gently squeezed his. “I am truly, deeply sorry for all the pain I have caused you. You must have been so confused, so hurt, that I didn’t remember you. Merlin, I can only imagine how much you’ve gone through these past few weeks.” 

Anakin gingerly opened his eyes to find Ben’s head slightly drooped, his mussed up hair slightly fringing the top half of his face.. 

_ What have I done?  _

“Well,” Windu cut in, “whoever is responsible for your memory loss, Ben, will surely deal with severe consequences. Dr. Jinn, Headmaster Yoda, and I will conduct an investigation to figure out who cast the memory charm on you so they can be apprehended immediately and possibly expelled from Hogwarts.”

Anakin’s body now chorused with explosive screams, a warning to run before he set the entire office on fire. With his insides aflame, Anakin shot up from his seat and bolted out of the room. 

He didn’t focus on the exhaustion moaning in his legs, nor did he notice the sheen layer of sweat covering his upper body. He didn’t even notice Ahsoka calling his name as he ran past the Great Hall. 

Once again, he let his long legs beat the ground as he pushed more and more distance between him and Windu’s office, between him and Ben, between him and Ahsoka, between him and the entire world. He eventually washed up in Plo’s classroom. 

“Professor, can I-” 

“Of course, Anakin.” 

With cold determination howling in his chest accompanied with clenching fists and narrowed eyes, Anakin marched into the potions supply storage, already knowing the ingredients he’d need for the potion he was making. 

Plo, sitting at his desk and grading papers, only looked up occasionally with furrowed eyebrows and thin lips. An unusual amount of concern shone in his eyes. He frowned at the ingredients Anakin was carrying in his arms and then plopped next to a heating cauldron. 

_ Root asphodel.  _

_ Sopophorous beans.  _

_ Infusion of wormwood. _

_ Sloth brain. _

He didn’t like the look of that lineup. However, Plo could only watch as Anakin threw himself into his potion-making. His concern festered into worry and then fear as he watched one of the best potions students he has ever taught attempt one of the most difficult potions to ever brew. 

The Slytherin chucked the Infusion of Wormwood into the cauldron. With an alarming amount of aggression, he pounded the root asphodel into its powdery substance, the pestle sounding with agonizing crunches as it hit the mortar. Despite already achieving the powder, Anakin kept pounding the root over and over again, nearly driving Plo mad. 

Anakin finally relented and tossed the powder into the cauldron as if it were a pest to be disposed of. After stirring the mixture twice clockwise, he added the sloth brain. 

A shiver went down Plo’s spine at the scent starting to crawl out of the cauldron. But what came next was even worse. 

The sound of beans spilling onto the working table filled the room along with the horrid scent. Anakin counted thirteen - strangely not twelve - in his hand and placed them in a holder. 

Plo watched in horror as Anakin levitated one of the beans in front of his face. The slight haze of the brewing potion and the dimly warm lighting added more of a golden yellow hue to his usually very blue eyes. 

And with one swift clench of his fist _ ,  _ the bean slowly shriveled, leaking out juice that spilled into the beaker below. Plo wanted to run to the nearest toilet and throw up at the sight. He wanted to reprimand the Slytherin student, to beg him to stop this monstrosity, but words failed to come forth. He could only watch in terror as the sixth-year repeated the same vicious process to the twelve remaining beans. Each bean that Anakin violated resembled each small part of his soul decaying and dying.

With an uncharacteristic amount of reverence, Anakin poured the bean juice into the cauldron, stirring seven times anti-clockwise and adding in an extra stir clockwise. He then slumped into a chair and stared emptily at the cauldron. 

A moment of silence passed before Plo finally willed his body to rise out of his chair and slowly walk towards the cauldron. 

“Quite an ambitious choice this is,” Plo commented lightly, his hands laced behind his back. “However, this is an unusual visit for you, since you’re usually at Dueling Club with Ahsoka during this time.” 

Plo didn’t miss Anakin’s face slightly scrunching at Ahsoka’s name. The professor summoned a chair towards him and sat down across from Anakin. He cleared his throat, causing the Slytherin’s golden blue eyes to flicker towards him, half of his stony face overcast with a grim shadow. 

“Anakin, what’s wrong?” 

The professor was met with Anakin’s unmoving stare, the haze from the potion so thick that his golden eyes became twin burning suns piercing through the clouds. 

More silence passed between them as the steam from the brewing potion slowly dissipated. Anakin cast a Tempus and he swiftly rose out of his seat with surprising elegance and summoned a nearby empty vial. He poured some of the potion into the vial and closed it. 

“What are you planning to do with that?” Plo asked, his voice oddly calm despite his figure now up out of his seat. 

“Nothing,” Anakin lied. He turned to stalk out of the classroom when all of the doors slammed shut with an invisible force and a howl of wind. 

Anakin was facing Plo now, who had magically ended up standing in front of the closed exit, his hands still linked together behind him. 

“I will ask only once more,” Plo said quietly, his voice now a mere wisp that still somehow sent shivers through Anakin's entire body. “What are you planning to do with that Draught of Living Death?” 

“Nothing,” Anakin hissed out. 

Plo’s eyes narrowed. Despite no visible signs of a muttered incantation or a swish of a wand, the vial landed in Plo’s hand. 

“What the hell?!” Anakin yelled, his eyes darting from his pocket and landing their fiery gaze back onto the Potions Master. “Professor-” 

“If you try to take this potion with you outside of this classroom, Skywalker, I  _ will  _ contact Professor Windu and Headmaster Yoda this instant.” 

_ “I NEED IT!” _ Anakin screamed, all of the furniture rattling before levitating off of the ground. 

Plo’s eyes widened in terror as he wrenched his back against the door, his hands gripping the wood behind him. 

“ANAKIN!” Plo shouted desperately, his previously shut eyes cracking open to reveal a fearsome sight. All of the graded papers, chairs, desks, and even the vial that Plo had retrieved were now swirling into a tornado around the golden-eyed Slytherin. 

Plo snapped his eyes shut again and summoned all the concentration, focus, and magic he had in him and willed everything to stop. 

Everything that had contributed to the cyclone circling Anakin dropped to the floor instantly. Plo summoned the vial back into his hand and with another wave of his wand, the rest of the potion brewing in the cauldron vanished. Anakin watched in dismay as his only ticket out of this mess slipped out of his grasp. 

Suddenly, Anakin was on his knees, sobbing pathetically into his hands. 

Despite the roar of the hurricane that had occurred merely seconds ago, the calm after the storm ushered a distilled silence that rang throughout the room, buzzing in Anakin’s ears. 

The Potions professor slowly approached the crying student, bending down to meet his level. A few seconds later, the crying stopped. The student gingerly lifted his head out of his hands to reveal his puffy, red, tear-stained face. 

“Look, Anakin, there are a few ways we can handle this-” 

It all happened like a strobe of lightning. 

The student summoned the potion vial into his hand, shot up onto his feet, and apparated out of the classroom. 

The professor, who was still on his knees, could only find his breathing as he stared at the exact spot that his student had disappeared. 

  
  


~

  
  


The entire world around her was bitterly frozen. Her eyes narrowed into thin slabs of ice as her teeth ground in fury. 

“FUCK YOU, ANAKIN!” She yelled into the dark hallway, her ragged voice bouncing off of the walls and ringing in her ears. She didn’t even realize the cold shards in her eye sockets slowly melting, causing strangely hot liquid to form into pools. 

The icy terrain residing in her chest cracked, until the entire land split and revealed a crevice that reached down for miles, the jagged edges resembling the mouth of a monstrous shark. 

She hated herself for crying again, so she snapped her eyes shut and shakily took in a deep breath. Her leather fingerless gloves squeaked slightly as she clenched and unclenched her hands.

A soft voice materialized behind her along with a gentle hand on her shoulder. “Ahsoka, are you okay?”

It was Barriss. Her shoulders relaxed as she slowly turned around to face the female Slytherin. “Yeah, I’m okay. I just need a bit of air, you know?” 

Barriss nodded understandingly, her face etched with concern and her hand still resting on her shoulder. “If you want, you can always call off the meeting early. There’s no point in prolonging it if both the Captain and Co-Captain are not able to-” 

“I’m fine, Barriss.” 

“No, you’re not.” 

“Really, it’s okay-” 

“ _ Ahsoka. _ ” 

The remainder of Ahsoka’s reply died in her mouth. 

“Please?” Barriss asked quietly, desperately. 

Ahsoka sighed defeatedly, giving Barriss a hesitant lukewarm smile before her face became stony. Together, they both headed back into the Great Hall and the female Gryffindor placed herself on top of the steps. 

“Hey everyone!” Ahsoka called out, waving her arms until all the noise cleared out of the giant room. “I’ve decided to call off this meeting early because it looks like Anakin will be out for the rest of the night attending to Kenobi’s minor injuries. We’ll meet again next week! Goodnight!” 

The room burst into bustles of conversation amongst the members as everyone pooled out of the Great Hall. A few members volunteered to help Ahsoka and Barriss clean up, which the two fifth-year girls were grateful for. When the last of the members left, it was just Ahsoka and Barriss. 

“Thank you,” Ahsoka said as they made their way out of the hall. “I guess I really needed that break.” 

“It’s no problem. I’m really glad you took my advice, I was worried about you,” Barriss replied.

The two of them exchanged warm smiles before wrapping themselves in a one-armed hug, their conversation drifting to lighter topics for a bit. 

“And you know, I think I’m getting a hang of those Quidditch drills-” Ahsoka and Barris stopped right outside the Great Hall at the sight of Kenobi, Satine Kryze, and Padme Amidala huddled together and murmuring in hushed voices nearby. 

From the looks of it, Padme was trying her best to mediate a loud whisper argument between Satine and Kenobi. Ahsoka raised an eyebrow. Padme had told her that she and Satine were good friends, but then why were they with Kenobi?

“Padme?” Ahsoka called out, drawing the three seventh-years’ attention towards her and Barriss. 

“Ahsoka!” Both Kenobi and Padme called out in unison. The two shared a look before Padme took a step towards her. “Ahsoka, have you seen Anakin?” 

“Yeah, he ran off somewhere that way, but that was a few minutes ago. He looked really upset. I tried to call for him but he just kept running.” 

Ahsoka caught Kenobi cursing under his breath.

“Can someone explain to us what’s going on?” the Gryffindor demanded, her eyes wide and her arms splayed out in exasperation. “Why are you looking for Anakin? I thought he was with you! What happened?” 

“Ahsoka, please, this is important-” 

“It’s going to be okay, Ahsoka-” 

Padme and Barriss said at the same time. Ahsoka nibbled her lip thoughtfully. “Listen, I can help you find him, I know a couple of his hiding spots, but you  _ need  _ to tell me what’s going on, it’s only fair.” 

Padme took a step back and placed her hands behind her back. Despite her majestic posture, her tightly knit eyebrows and deep frown betrayed her worry. She went back to Satine and Kenobi, the three of them fervently whispering again. 

Ahsoka and Barriss glanced at each other, both of them leaning forward slightly to catch any bits of conversation. 

“If you hadn’t meddled, this wouldn’t have happened!” That was Kenobi. 

“Well maybe if you learned to take care of yourself-” Satine quipped. 

“If neither of you tell her, I’m going to!” Padme interrupted with a tone of finality.

Satine and Kenobi glared at each other intensely before they both shout-whispered, “Fine!” 

The Hufflepuff stepped forward, the light spilling from the Great Hall now giving Ahsoka a better view of his appearance. He looked awful. His ginger hair was tousled and his face resembled the color of white sheets. His eyes shined with sincerity and worn waves of guilt, framed by heavy bags filled with missed hours of sleep. Despite Ahsoka’s slightly bristled attitude towards him, she hated seeing him look so messed up. 

“Ahsoka, you’re right. It’s only fair. I’ll do my best to update you.” 

And so, as briefly as he could manage, Ben told Ahsoka everything he knew: waking up from unconsciousness and finding Anakin crying on the seventh floor, all of the memory flashes he had with Anakin, their interesting friendship borderline relationship, his confusion with Anakin’s mood swings and weird moments of anxiety or coldness, his medication slip-ups and seeing his psychiatrist Dr. Jinn again, Anakin’s decision to just be friends despite Ben wanting more, the cut off conversation before Dueling Club, and their recent meeting with Dr. Jinn and Professor Windu about his supposed amnesia, someone possibly memory charming him, and Anakin running off again. 

Ahsoka’s eyes were wide like saucers and her mouth agape in shock as a cold realization settled within her body. There was so much she didn’t know. And this was only Ben’s side. What about Anakin’s? 

“I don’t know what he was supposed to tell me before you, erm, showed up, Ahsoka,” Ben said quietly, his eyes depicting rushing waves of a stormy ocean in the moonlight. “But whatever it is, we need to find out.” 

Ahsoka nodded in agreement. “Yeah… yeah.” She looked at Barriss, her electric blue eyes steeled to the floor in contemplation. “You in?” 

Barriss flickered her gaze to her and tilted her head in confirmation. “Yes, I’ll help in any way I can.” 

Padme, who had been deep in thought, stepped forward again. “Thank you, both of you. Now, Ahsoka, I don’t know where you stand with Anakin right now, but other than Ben, you’re the closest person to him. Do you have any idea where Anakin would be right now?” 

Ahsoka’s hand flew to her chin, her eyes narrowed in thought. After a minute, her head snapped up. “Dad.” 

“Pardon?” Satine asked. 

“My dad- Professor Plo- Potions room! Anakin always brews a potion in my dad’s classroom whenever he’s upset.” 

“Well come on then!” Ben urged, already running down the corridor towards the dungeons. “Padme, Satine, Barris, you stay! Ahsoka, come with me!” 

“Got it!” The four female voices chorused. Ahsoka followed Ben at a brisk pace.

“Ahsoka, you dropped something!” Barriss called out. 

“You hold onto it! We’ll meet up with you later!” Ahsoka shouted back, the darkness of the descending staircase to the dungeons swallowing both her and Ben’s figures. 

Barriss shook her head and summoned the oddly blank parchment into her hand. “Ahsoka always has this with her.” 

“May I?” Padme asked. Barriss silently handed it to Padme, the seventh-year Ravenclaw examining it carefully. “Let me try something.” 

“What do you think it is, Padme?” Satine questioned, peering at the object with her icy gaze. 

“If it is what I think it is, then this might make our lives a bit easier,” Padme answered as she took out her wand.  _ “I solemnly swear I am up to no good.”  _

To their amazement, the parchment slowly revealed a map of Hogwarts. 

“Merlin…” Satine gasped. “I’ve only read about this in books. I-I thought it was a myth!” 

“Where did Ahsoka get that?” Barriss wondered. 

“Anakin,” Padme said knowingly, a hint of exasperation in her voice. “Anakin told me once about a ‘useful little gift’ he had given Ahsoka when they were first and second-year students. I guess she’s had it ever since.” 

“Interesting,” Barriss said as her eyes scoped the map. “Wait a minute, I see Anakin!” 

“Where?” Both Padme and Satine asked in unison. 

“There!” Barriss pointed at the dot labeled  _ Anakin Skywalker.  _ “He’s at the Grand Staircase. Look’s like he’s going up.” 

“Oh Merlin,” Satine lamented. “We sent them in the wrong direction!” 

“I’ll get them,” Padme declared, handing the map back in Barriss’s hands. “Keep that open, okay?” 

Barriss nodded. 

“Satine?” 

“Yes, love?” 

“Wand contact?” 

“Let’s do it.” 

The two seventh-years connected their wands together briefly, causing a glowing light to illuminate before it dissipated. 

“What is that?” Barriss asked. 

“Wand contact. It allows us to use our wands to contact each other instantly. A lot faster than using Patronuses and works like a muggle telephone,” Satine explained.

“That’s so cool! Did you guys come up with it?” 

“Actually, Professor Secura did and taught us how when we were in Arithmancy together,” Padme answered. “I have to go, I’ll contact you if I need anything!” 

“Good luck!” Barriss called as Padme descended down into the dungeons. 

  
  


~ 

  
  


Shrieking pierced through the dungeons and through Ben’s eardrums when he and Ahsoka stumbled into the potions classroom. Both students became dreadfully silent at the disquieted yet eerily silent state of the room. Tables and desks were upheaved. Loose papers and shards of glass littered the floor. Broken - some completely shattered - cauldrons laid about.

“WHAT THE  _ FUCK?!”  _ Ahsoka roared as she shot towards the professor, who was a mere knelt figure on the ground. His very body was a stone statue; he didn’t move at all when they entered. He didn’t even react to Ahsoka’s shrieks. 

It seemed like nothing in this world could shock this man anymore. 

That was what worried Ben the most. 

The Hufflepuff tried to speak, but his throat was gated close. Nothing would come out. 

“Dad, what happened?” Ahsoka asked shakily, her hands planted onto the professor’s shoulders. 

When he gave no answer, Ahsoka shook his figure like a rag doll. “Dad,  _ talk to me.”  _

Silence again. 

Ahsoka’s gaze shot to Ben. Her breaths were shallow and quick. 

“Ben, do something!” She cried out desperately. 

Ben closed his eyes and breathed in. Out. 

He mustered every last bit of strength he could find before cracking his eyes open. He exhaled shortly and made his way towards them. He knelt next to Ahsoka and watched as the wilted figure in front of them slowly turned his open palms to face upward. 

“Professor?” Ben inquired softly. 

The gravelly voice was a passing leaf in the wind, so easily missed if Ben and Ahsoka had not strained their hearing enough. 

“I should have destroyed it.” 

Ben and Ahsoka’s eyes met quickly before both of their gazes turned back to the kneeling professor. 

“Destroyed what, dad?” Ahsoka pressed gently. 

“The vial,” he answered with a ruefully hoarse whisper. “He… He brewed a potion for himself and put it in a vial.” 

The Hufflepuff’s eyebrows knit together, creating rifts on his forehead. Fear swirled within his chest at what the professor’s answer to his next question could possibly imply. 

“What potion, professor?” 

The professor’s mouth snapped shut and his jaw went taut. He shook his head as his entire body quivered. 

“What I saw… what I heard… it was horrible, Ahsoka. Oh, it was horrible.” 

Ben didn’t relent. “Professor,  _ what potion? _ ” 

The professor inhaled sharply, closing his eyes and letting out a shaky breath. 

“The Draught of Living Death.” 

Before Ben could even begin to process the implications of that horrible, terrifying answer, he heard a voice call out from the distance, getting closer and closer. 

“Ben! Ahsoka- HOLY MERLIN!” Padme froze at the doorway, her mouth agape and eyes ready to jump out of their sockets. “What happened?!” 

“We’ll explain later!” Ahsoka answered briskly as she jumped to her feet and stalked towards the Ravenclaw. “Right now, we have to find Anakin. He’s going to do something… incredibly stupid.” 

Padme’s eyes flickered to meet Ahsoka’s. “What do you mean?” 

“Professor, do you know where he went?” Ben asked fervently, his usually calm voice now plagued with fear and desperation. 

“We know where he is, Ben,” Padme interrupted. “He’s at the Grand Staircase, going up.” 

Ahsoka’s hands shot to her mouth in disbelief. Ben nearly collapsed. 

“Why? What’s wrong?” Padme’s voice now caught the plague of fear. 

“H-He’s going to kill himself, Padme,” Ben whispered, his eyes shining with unshed tears. “He’s going to-” 

“WELL THEN LET’S GET A MOVE ON!” Padme shouted with uncharacteristic rage as she unsheathed her wand. 

“NO!” Ben cut in, disarming Padme’s wand. “Only one of us. He’ll be overwhelmed and threatened. I’ll do it.” 

“No, Ben, I don’t think so-” Padme argued. 

“ _ I’m  _ his best friend! You really think I’m just going to stand here-” Ahsoka jumped in. 

“SHUT UP!” Ben shouted.  _ “SHUT UP!!!”  _

The entire room shook before Ben clenched his entire body and forced his emotions to submerge into deep water again. The room stopped shaking. 

The two girls fell silent. 

“I’m going. It  _ has _ to be me. I have to fix this. Padme, Ahsoka, meet Satine and Barriss back in front of the Great Hall. I  _ will  _ return with Anakin shortly.” 

Without waiting for an affirmative from either of them, Ben disapparated from the classroom. 

Ahsoka sighed heavily and slumped her shoulders, leaning her body against one side of the doorframe. Padme rested on the other side, giving Ahsoka an exhausted smile. 

“I’m surprised you didn’t follow after him and put up more of a fight,” Padme noted. 

The fourth-year shook her head and rolled her eyes, folding her arms across her chest. “I’m exhausted.” Her eyes softened slightly as they landed on her father’s still slumped figure on the floor. “Besides, I only trust myself to take care of my dad.” 

Padme’s lips thinned and her face became less stiff. “I understand. Would you like some help with maybe transferring him to his bed?” 

Ahsoka nodded silently. The two made their way towards the clothed lump that was the Potions professor. 

“Don’t panic, okay dad? We’re just gonna get you to bed. Padme, can you hold him and I’ll hold you? I’m gonna apparate all of us to his room.” 

Padme nodded and held the professor’s arm firmly in one hand and then Ahsoka's arm in the other. Ahsoka concentrated as she visualized their destination before waving her wand and apparating them into her dad’s bedroom. Padme sighed and released her hold on her company before wiping the sweat off of her palms onto her robes. “Nice job,” she praised. 

“Thanks,” Ahsoka replied offhandedly, her attention fully focused on her dad. With a simple incantation, she managed to levitate her dad into bed and tuck him in. 

“Funny,” the professor chuckled, shocking his daughter. “Shouldn’t this be the other way around?” 

Ahsoka snorted as she pulled the blanket and comforter right below her dad’s chin. “I can take care of you once in a while too, you know?” 

“I do know,” he replied softly. He wiggled one of his hands out from under the blanket and tenderly held Ahsoka’s face. His eyes were warm, holding a multitude of unsaid words, feelings, moments. “I love you, Ahsoka.” 

A smile cracked onto Ahsoka’s face, her eyes strangely damp and her face blushing with more color than usual. “I love you too, dad. Goodnight.” 

“Goodnight,” Professor Plo replied before pulling his hand away and turning onto his side, his eyes closing with the promise of sleep. 

Ahsoka headed back into the small attached living quarters where Padme was loitering, her figure illuminated by the fireplace. 

“I decided to wait out here. Give you guys some privacy,” the Ravenclaw explained. 

“I appreciate it, thanks.” 

With another huge sigh, Ahsoka plopped onto the couch and let herself sink in. She wanted to have this moment for just a little bit. She felt the rest of the cushion beside her sink as well with another presence. 

“I suppose a few minutes of rest will do us some good,” Padme said. 

“Yeah. Really need it. Especially with whatever the hell is going on. I hope Anakin’s okay.” 

“I hope so too. I know he’s my ex-boyfriend, which is already awkward enough, but I still care about him.” 

“The idiot might make the most stupid decision of his life… will try to make the most stupid decision of his life… by ending it. Merlin, where did I go wrong?” Ahsoka leaned her entire upper body to curl into her thighs, hands deeply tangled into her wild dark hair. 

“Hey, don’t beat yourself up about this, okay?” Padme scooted closer and embraced Ahsoka’s curled up form. “That’s Anakin’s choice and his alone, and it’s not fair to hold yourself responsible for something that is out of your control.” 

Ahsoka inhaled shakily. Her voice was muffled. “I know. You’re right.”

“Of course I am.” 

The Gryffindor huffed. A settled silence passed as they absorbed each other’s comfort and the warmth of the fireplace. Padme eventually untangled herself from Ahsoka’s form and as the younger unfurled herself. 

“I was jealous of Ben,” Ahsoka admitted quietly. “Jealous that he could reach Anakin in a way I couldn’t. I used to be his go-to for everything, and ever since he started sneaking around with Ben in our old hangout, things weren’t the same anymore.” 

“Where was your old hangout?” 

“The seventh floor, Room of Requirement. He and I would always train there, but then we stopped using it ever since Ben came into the picture. The two of them would spend nights together there all the time. Then one night, I think it was a few weeks ago, they stopped hanging out there too. But they were still close. At least… that’s what I observed from the map. I don’t know how much Ben remembers before his memory, and Anakin hasn’t told me shit, which is still frustrating.” 

“Understandable,” Padme mumbled. 

“But… something feels wrong about what Ben told me. What he told me about his memory after his memory wipe. Anakin was there… on the seventh floor. Ben told me it couldn’t have been him because he was having a breakdown…” 

“Do you think…  _ Anakin  _ wiped Ben’s memory?” 

“I don’t know!” Ahsoka burst out exasperatedly. “I don’t know! I- I don’t  _ want  _ it to be him, but it all makes sense! Anakin has never taken guilt well, he always freaks out afterwards whenever he does something wrong because he feels so terrible about it. And when Ben said he found Anakin having a panic attack when he first woke up…  _ Who else could it be?!” _

Padme couldn’t find a reply. It all made a horrifying amount of sense. 

“He’s such an idiot,” Ahsoka hissed. 

“He is,” Padme managed to utter out. “We have to meet up with Satine and tell Professor Windu our suspicions. Let’s hope to Merlin that we’re wrong.” 

As both students fled Professor Plo’s living quarters, Ahsoka’s heart pounded furiously against her chest. 

_ Not Anakin… He wouldn’t.  _

_ Would he?  _

  
  


~

  
  


The Grand Staircase detested him. Every time he would move to another flight of stairs, they would move from his direction, preventing him from continuing upwards to the seventh floor. 

Anakin cursed hotly under his breath when the staircase mocked him once more by swinging away just as he was about to land his foot onto the next platform. 

All he could see was the stairs in front of him, the key to his ultimate goal. 

He wouldn’t lie to himself. He was going to die. 

Perhaps the stairs didn’t want him to die, or maybe they hated him so much that they merely wanted to prolong his suffering. 

Anakin scoffed. If the stairs wanted to hate him, so be it. They’d have to get in line behind the numerous people queued up to punch Anakin Skywalker in the face. 

Padme. Ahsoka. Windu. Dr. Jinn. Ben… 

He almost felt something.  _ Almost.  _

The feeling was vacuumed away instantly. His chest felt hollow, like a waffle cone without any ice cream. 

As Anakin continued ascending the stairs, utilizing his long legs to cover three steps at a time, he assured himself that this was the right thing to do. 

Because it was. 

Because all he ever brought to the people he cared about was pain. 

Anakin laughed at himself; it was a dry, empty laugh. 

A distilled sense of fear frosted his entire body when he arrived on the seventh floor. 

His empty chest started to flood with sewage water, poisoning his insides with complex feelings that he wanted to drain out again until everything was deserted. 

Each step he took was a reaffirmation for what he was about to do. 

_ Better to die rather than let your existence poison everyone else’s. Right?  _

Another step. 

_ Right.  _

In front of the other. 

_ All you do is hurt the people you love. You’re doing them a favor, aren’t you?  _

And another. 

_ I am.  _

Left foot. 

_ I need a place where no one can find me.  _

First pace forward. 

_ I need a place where no one can find me.  _

Second pace back. 

_ I need a place to die.  _

Third. The door appeared. He froze. 

He didn’t want to think about anything. He didn’t want to get sentimental. 

He didn’t want to think about that Gryffindor girl or that Hufflepuff Head Boy. 

Yet… he couldn’t bring himself to move. 

He couldn’t move.

_ Don’t be a fucking coward, you bitch. JUST GO INSIDE AND KILL YOURSELF!  _

He locked his gaze forward, his eyes staring at the door with the same cold determination. 

_ Move,  _ he commanded his body. 

But it wouldn’t. 

He was literally frozen in place. He tried to move his feet, but he couldn’t. He tried to reach for his wand, but his hand refused to budge. He clenched his eyes closed and gritted his teeth, attempting to move his entire body forward, but there was no motion.

“Be mindful of your thoughts, Anakin, they betray you.” 

Anakin’s eyes opened to meet another pair of steely grey-blue: Ben  _ fucking _ Kenobi, with his wand pointed at his stomach as he held him in a modified full body-bind curse. 

_ How did he-?  _

“I had a memory flash while following you up here,” Ben said softly, his wand that held the spell over him unwavering. “You had complimented me on my flawless nonverbals and charmwork. I suppose that came in handy now.”

Anakin, partly because he was, well, frozen, didn’t respond. He could only watch as Ben’s mask of a charming half-smile and cool guarded eyes melted away into stormy irises and a deeply etched frown. 

The Hufflepuff took a step closer until their noses brushed together. He could feel the tip of Ben’s wand slightly digging into his stomach, but the feeling went away instantly. The curse on his body faded quickly like a wave crashing on a beach and then receding back into the ocean. 

Ben’s trembling hand dusted featherlight touches against the side of his face. Although the curse wasn’t upon Anakin any longer, he still couldn’t bring himself to move as Ben’s lips brushed his in a faint kiss. 

“All I want is to love you, dear one.” 

As the sewage water in his chest continued to fill with more of his unwanted emotions, Anakin shook his head minutely. “I can’t- I can’t be with you. I have to leave. I have to go.”

Ben’s other hand came to cradle his face. “But at what cost?  _ Your life?  _ I won’t let you, Anakin. You’re a good person, please don’t do this.” 

“I can’t hurt you again,” Anakin breathed out shakily. “Not like last time.” 

“ _ Please,  _ Anakin,” Ben’s ice shards in his eyes glinted in the moonlight. When Anakin peered closer, he could see the ice slowly melting into unshed tears. “Stop this,  _ please.  _ Come back with me and we’ll figure this out, I- I don’t… I don’t know what the fuck I’d do with myself if you left.” 

The sight before him shook Anakin to his core. A sense of reverence settled between them as the Slytherin fixed his gaze on the first tear that escaped the corner of Ben’s eye. It left a beautiful trail as it gracefully slid down his cheek until it landed on Anakin’s finger. He wiped it away. 

“You’re a good person, Anakin, I know it. Come back,  _ please, _ ” Ben repeated, his voice now reduced into a wavering whisper. His slightly bent head rose up to meet the sixth-year’s face. 

“I love you.” 

_ Liar,  _ a voice hissed in Anakin’s mind. 

_ He doesn’t love you. And even if he does, just wait until he finds out the truth. At least if you die, the past will die with you too. He’ll just be left wondering, but he’ll get over it. They always do.  _

But... 

**_No._ **

A seismic wave blew Ben away from Anakin. When Ben felt his back slam into the ground, he forced himself to shakily get back on his feet. Across from him, just a few feet away, was Anakin, with his wand pointed at him. Worn lines hardened his face. 

“I’m doing you a favor, Ben.” 

Ben willed himself to point his wand back at Anakin, every last bit of his heart slowly cracking and crumbling into smaller pieces. This was worse than dying. He closed his eyes so he wouldn’t have to see the face of his wand’s target, the face of the person he loved. 

“Anakin... don’t-

_ “-do something you’re going to regret.”  _

_ “Oh, I’m not,” a terrifyingly familiar voice hissed.  _ “Obliviate.”

“BENJAMIN CHRISTOPHER KENOBI! ANAKIN SKYWALKER!” A sharp voice boomed, snapping Ben out of his vision. He turned towards the voice. Both students lowered their wands at the sight of a rather ticked off Professor Windu storming towards them. 

“You two. My office.  _ Now. _ ” 

Anakin reached in his pocket for the vial but only felt fabric. His eyes widened until he caught a glimpse of the potion holder in Ben’s hand before it landed in the Hufflepuff’s inner pocket robes. 

_ That sneaky motherfucker. He should be a Slytherin. _

The march back to Windu’s office was enough time for Anakin’s nerves and guilt to gnaw at his insides. It sucked, literally sucked, his soul out of him. 

_ I have to get that potion back from him. It’s the only way this can all end.  _

When they arrived at Windu’s office, Anakin realized that in fact, yes, his disappearing off the face of the earth was the only way for him to escape this nightmare turned into reality. 

Or was it reality that was the true nightmare? He didn’t know. 

All he knew was that he was in absolute deep shit. 

Satine Kryze. Cody Kamino. Quinlan Vos. Ben’s best friends. 

Ahsoka Tano. His best friend. 

Barriss Offee. His best friend’s  _ new  _ best friend now. 

Padme Amidala. His ex-girlfriend. 

Well. Anakin wished he could say that he’s been in worse situations. He really did. 

“Anakin, Ben, please sit,” Dr. Jinn said kindly. The psychiatrist conjured two extra chairs. 

“I’m okay,” Anakin replied, keeping the exit within his vicinity. 

“If you say so.” 

Ben, meanwhile, sat at the edge of his chair. His legs shook so fervently that if he wanted, he could summon an earthquake. 

“Ben, all the students who are here right now have given me vital information on who possibly memory charmed you. And according to recent information provided by Ahsoka Tano, Padme Amidala, and Satine Kryze, we have our suspicions on who it is. However, this person must come forth now or else we will have to continue this gruelling investigation.” 

Professor Windu’s eyes never left Anakin throughout his entire spiel. In fact, they challenged him. 

_ Well, Ben at least deserves the truth before I go.  _

His eyes were oddly wet. He blinked, and the tears raced down his face. He took a deep breath, remembered what Ben before the memory wipe had taught him. 

For the first time in his entire life, Anakin Skywalker became still. 

_ “What does meditating do for you anyway?”  _

_ “As I said, it clears the mind-”  _

_ “No, I mean  _ why _ do you do it?” _

Breathe in. 

Breathe out. 

_ Good person. Leave the world a good person, at least.  _

“I did it.” 

The already hushed room became even more silent. Perhaps it was everyone’s thoughts electrocuted into shellshock. Perhaps it was Anakin’s mind finally stilled and focused. 

It was Ben who spoke first. 

“It was you?” 

“Ben, I’m so sorry-” 

Ben was now on his feet. “No.  _ No _ .  _ NO! _ It couldn’t-!” 

“Ben, please-” 

“But-But I found you! You were having a panic attack! How...” The Hufflepuff’s figure trembled as much as his voice. 

“You found me after I memory wiped you,” Anakin confessed with an equally trembling voice. “I was- I hated myself for what I did, and so I broke down. That was when you helped me.” 

Ben, who was so close to him, took a step back. He then took another step away from him. He drew in a sharp breath before clapping his hands to his face and sobbing. 

Satine was the first one who reached for him, but he rounded on her and shouted hoarsely, “DON’T TOUCH ME! ANY OF YOU! AND _ YOU!”  _

Ben stalked towards Anakin. 

Ahsoka and Padme gasped when she saw Ben’s hand curl into a fist and smash into Anakin’s face. 

“BEN!” Satine shrieked. 

“Oh my god,” Cody muttered. 

The impact was so brutal it sent Anakin’s body tumbling backwards and down to the floor. The Slytherin clutched his now bleeding nose with one hand while his other pressed over his bruised eye. 

“I’m sorry-” Anakin managed to whisper. 

“NO YOU’RE NOT!” Ben roared, swinging his foot back to kick at Anakin’s lumped form before Dr. Jinn pulled him back, keeping a firm hold on the raging seventh-year’s upper body. 

“BENJAMIN! STOP!” The elder reprimanded. “LOOK! You’re scaring everyone in this room. Now, if you don’t get a grip, I’m going to Floo Call your parents. Do you want them to worry about you, too?” 

Ben clenched his eyes shut and forced a few breaths in and out as Dr. Jinn slowly released his hold. As he grounded himself through his breathing technique, he started noticing his surroundings. Ahsoka crying as Padme comforted her. Quinlan and Cody embracing a rather wilted Satine. And... 

Anakin, bled and bruised, sobbing pathetically on the floor. Slowly yet with overwhelming instability, the Slytherin brought himself back up to his feet. 

“Anakin, I’m-” 

“I’m sorry,” the blond whispered one last time before he ran. 

“ANAKIN!” Ahsoka yelled. Her eyes narrowed as she stormed out of the office in a hot pursuit. 

The castle floor groaned with each pounding Anakin’s feet gave as he sprinted down the halls. 

_ No potion. No way out. Unless... No, they know that place now. Maybe...  _

“ANAKIN SKYWALKER!” Ahsoka shouted, her voice booming throughout the hall. 

Anakin had enough decency to stop and face his best friend. 

“YOU ABSOLUTE  _ ASSHOLE!”  _ She slapped him once. Anakin took it. 

“HOW FUCKING DARE YOU!” She continued. Another slap. It burned harder this time. 

“AND YOU KEPT ALL OF THIS FROM ME! YOUR  _ BEST FRIEND!”  _ Her knockback jinx floored Anakin for the second time this night. 

“Ahsoka, I’m sorry I kept this from you-” 

“I don’t want your damn apology,” Ahsoka replied coldly. “And you can forget about me being your best friend. I’m done.” 

Her footsteps rivaled the death march beating of his heart. However, unlike her footsteps, the sound of his heartbeat didn’t fade away into the night. 

He planted his palms on the chilled stone floor, pushing himself up with all of his might. He ignored the dull pain throbbing in his chest. No point in trying to heal himself. He was just a ticking time bomb everyone was waiting for to go off, and he wouldn’t stick around the people he loved just to see them die in his explosion. He’d set himself off. Like a dazzling firework whizzing out and splashing into an ocean. 

_ An ocean.  _

With a new sinister determination simmering in his throat, he ran for the castle doors. 

  
  


~

  
  


“Ben-” 

“Hey, mate-” 

“You okay?” 

“Kenobi-” 

Ben clenched his fists, feeling like a bomb about to set the entire castle on fire. 

_ “JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!”  _

Ben grabbed his wand and apparated back to his room. He marched over to the door and locked it, planting some extra safety precautions to make sure he wouldn’t be disturbed. 

He took the vial out of his pocket and rammed it into the ground, smashing it and spilling the dreaded potion all over the floor. He shot blasting curses over the same spot where the vial had collided with the floor again and again until he was satisfied. 

Barely even noticing his now bloody knuckles from the smashed glass, he shed his outer robes and plopped onto his bed. Dizziness began to infect his head as his vision blurred. He reached a red-stained hand toward his nightstand, finally grasping his damned sleeping potion and opened the cap. He sluggishly closed his eyes as the top of the bottle met his lips and he took a large drink of the potion. His right arm gave out and everything went black before the bottle landed on the floor, the potion pooling out of its container. 

  
  


~

  
  


There was no light. Only blackness, a bitter winter chill, and the sound of rushing water from the Black Lake. 

Anakin felt right at home.

And soon, he would be. 

Or, at least, that’s what he’d like to think. 

This time, there was no crescendo. No buildup. 

He felt nothing. 

Not even the bloody nose, the sting still buzzing on his cheek, and his throbbing eye. 

He didn’t give a shit about that anymore. 

_ Get a move on, Skywalker. Only a few minutes of pain and then it’s over.  _

Anakin was- 

_ No. No more talking. You don’t deserve a memorable death. Just die.  _

He shed his clothes unceremoniously until he was only in his underwear. He let himself feel the harsh, biting cold and dug his feet into the frigid earth until he could physically feel nothing. 

He let the wand in his hand hit the ground. 

He took it slow, easing into the water, letting the freezing temperatures of the lake engulf his body. He felt nothing, which frustrated him. He had enough. 

With one last breath, he submerged himself. He opened his eyes and only saw darkness. 

His body shrieked as it dropped below normal temperature. He still felt nothing. 

_ Pathetic.  _

He closed his eyes as the pressure of the water swallowed him. 

The last thing he heard was a voice frantically yelling out his name. 

_ Anakin’s vision went black. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because of the nature of this chapter, I want to stress how important mental health is and seeking help when you need it.   
> Suicide is not something I take lightly whenever I write it in any of my fics. It is a serious issue that I've dealt with to a certain degree and it is NOT a solution, EVER. 
> 
> National Suicide Prevention Lifeline:  
> 1-800-273-8255


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Revenge of the Sith (2005)   
> Padme: Obi-Wan... there... is good in him. I know there is...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! I know it took a while, but here's Chapter 6. Enjoy <3

_ Breathe in.  _

_ Breathe out.  _

_ In.  _

_ Out.  _

_ In- _

“I don’t think I can do this anymore, Dr. Jinn,” Anakin muttered. 

The lowly psychiatrist’s facial features were laced closer together with sympathy. “Alright. Well, now that you’ve meditated, may I ask some standard questions?” 

The Slytherin nodded minutely. 

“Name?” 

“Anakin.” 

“Pardon- full name, please.” 

“Anakin Christian Skywalker.” 

“Age and date of birth?” 

“Turning seventeen on July 25th.” 

“Current family?” 

Anakin winced. “Cliegg Lars is my guardian. He has a son named Owen, but he’s all moved out now with his new partner, Beru.” 

“Alright. House, year, and hobbies?” 

“Slytherin, sixth year, Captain of Dueling Club.” 

Dr. Jinn cleared his throat. “Er, actually-” 

Anakin’s head yanked up and swiftly turned towards Qui-Gon, his blue eyes gaped in alarm. “What? What were you gonna say?” 

The older man sighed as his entire body sagged into a form resembling a propped potato sack. His eyes lifted from the floor this time, a frown taut on his lips. 

“I suppose I can’t delay the news any longer. Anakin, you’re no longer the Captain of the Dueling Club because you’ve been suspended from Hogwarts. Until the end of winter break.” 

Surprisingly, Anakin wasn’t outraged. Merlin, he wasn’t even shocked. With his eyes now trained on the hospital bed sheet in front of him, a wave of acceptance flooded through his core that was finally able to soothe a wriggling part of his soul. 

“Okay. Well, uh- so do I just stop my classes, or… am I being held behind? W-What exactly-”

“You’ll be continuing your schoolwork, but you’ll be working from home. You’ll still get assignments, all of the professors have agreed to private floo calls with you, recorded lectures for you to access from home, there’s definitely plans to continue your education, I assure you. But after you confessed your… frankly, rather disturbing use of magic to manipulate and gaslight another student, the professors and myself deemed it necessary to isolate you from the rest of the student body for some time.” 

“I understand. I know what I did was unforgivable. I’m a monster.” 

“You’re not a monster, Anakin.” 

“Yes, I am-” 

“Which leads me to my next point,” Dr. Jinn cut in swiftly. “Along with temporary suspension from school grounds, under Professor Plo’s specific requests supported by the rest of the staff, I’m offering you therapy sessions free of charge for as long as you need until you graduate from Hogwarts. Although your use of the memory charm was undoubtedly reprehensible, Professor Plo worries about you, Anakin, and so do I.” 

Anakin remained quiet. 

“And… if I’m going to drop my counselor facade for a moment, I greatly care about Ben, and it’s clear that he still cares for you no matter how much he denies it. I want Ben to be happy, and so I propose that after some time passes with our one-on-one sessions, you and Ben can begin joint counseling sessions to make amends with your relationship.” 

“Does he hate me?” Anakin’s voice resembled a reprimanded puppy. 

Dr. Jinn’s lips curled inwards until his mouth only showed a thin line. After a minute of silence, he finally answered, “He won’t hate you forever. But right now, Ben has issued a magical restraining order on you.” 

“He… What?” 

“I’m sorry, Anakin.” 

“No… Don’t apologize. It’s- I did it to myself. I’ll take the punishment. Hell, I’ll take anything at this point. That’s why I should’ve-” 

“Drowned yourself in a lake? Anakin, taking your life shouldn’t be the ultimate form, nor any form honestly, of punishment for yourself.” 

“Why not? Everyone hates me. I’ve hurt so many people and now Ben despises me so much that he can’t even stand the sight of me, he put a restraining order on me!” 

“That doesn’t mean you should take your own life.” 

“I  _ hate  _ what I did to him, Dr. Jinn! I wish I’d never done it! But I had to have it my way, of fucking course I needed to! All because I was scared that he wouldn’t actually like me, and now look! No one does! Because they finally see who I really am! A MONSTER!” 

“Anakin, stop! Breathe!” 

Dumbbells seemed to weigh down in his chest, causing him to droop. Breathing was laborious, living too. Nevertheless, Anakin closed his eyes and attempted to command his breath. 

_ In.  _

_ Out.  _

_ In-  _

He choked on the air that tried to infiltrate his lungs. His shoulders sunk. The entire world roared in his eardrums, including a particularly loud voice that kept telling him that he was a disgrace and should leave this world. 

“I…” Anakin shuddered as his entire form shriveled. “I just want to fix all of this. I just want to undo everything. Forget that this all happened. And Ben too. Not for my sake, but for his and everyone else’s.” 

A lengthy pause filled the room before Dr. Jinn replied, “As much as I’m sure everyone would like that idea, Ben included, you can’t undo the oblivion. You can’t reset like a game and try again knowing the better choices. Life isn’t about do-overs and restarts, it’s about… taking what’s been left behind and fixing, and moving forward with what you learned.” 

“So you were the one who saved me from drowning in the lake?” 

Dr. Jinn nodded. 

“Why?” 

“I couldn’t just let you drown.” 

“But Ben needed you too, and you’re his psychiatrist, aren’t you?” 

“I am, but Ben has his friends. You were alone. And you needed someone.” 

“Yeah, but Ben-” 

“Knows why I did it, and that's that. He was relieved to know that you’re alive, by the way.”

Anakin exhaled shortly and flopped back onto his hospital bed, draping an arm over his forehead. “How do I fix all of this, Dr. Jinn? How do I- where do I even start?” 

“Well, Ben has requested me to collect some of your memories with him before you obliviated him so he can see them in the Pensieve. He said that he wants to see all the memories with you that were wiped before he sees you again. Perhaps you can start there.” 

“Alright. Uh… Is there a specific memory he wants first or-?” 

“It’s best to expose him to these memories in small doses and in chronological order,” Dr. Jinn answered as he reached into his pocket and pulled out a vial. “Start with when you first met him, I suppose. Take your time.” 

Anakin took the vial and closed his eyes, visualizing their first meeting. He did his best to ignore the chain still wrapped tightly in his chest. 

_ “Hello there.”  _

_ Anakin huffed. “Hey, Kenobi. I assume you’re going to ask what I’m doing here and then promptly turn me in?”  _

_ “I’m sure Windu would be delighted to see you again, Skywalker. However, unlike the other prefects, I actually mind my own business, so I’ll let you off with a warning.”  _

_ Anakin raised an eyebrow and waited for Kenobi to leave. Except, he didn’t move.  _

_ “Don’t tell me-” Anakin started.  _

_ “Are you trying to access the Room of Requirement?” Kenobi asked.  _

_ “The Room of what? That’s what it’s called?”  _

_ Kenobi sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. “You don’t know what it’s called? It’s in  _ Hogwarts: A History _ , Skywalker.” _

_ “Pretty sure you’re the only one who’s ever actually read that book.”  _

Anakin couldn’t help the small smile tugging at his lips as he recalled the rest of their conversation.

_ “It’s been quite a day for both of us. How about we ask for a room with two beds?”  _

_ “And a mini kitchen with snacks, please.”  _

_ Ben chuckled. “And a mini kitchen with snacks,” he repeated to himself as he started pacing back and forth in front of the wall. _

He coaxed the memory from his head, now taking the form of a luminous wisp that wrapped around the tip of his wand, before gently placing it into the vial. He sealed the vial with the cap and handed it back to Dr. Jinn, who pocketed it. 

“Thank you, Anakin. This will help Ben immensely.” 

The Slytherin replied with a half-smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes. 

Dr. Jinn rose from his seat. “I’m afraid I have to leave, I have another appointment shortly. But please do consider my offer before you return home. Professor Plo has my contact.” 

“Will do, Dr. Jinn.” 

The psychiatrist offered him a warm smile before leaving the Hospital Wing. 

A minute had barely passed before another unexpected visitor approached Anakin. 

“Hey, Skyguy.” 

“Ahsoka! What are you doing here?” 

“I wanted to see you,” she answered simply. 

“Oh.” 

A rather awkward silence ensued. Ahsoka shifted uncomfortably while Anakin’s eyes darted anywhere other than the female Gryffindor in front of him. 

Finally, Anakin asked, “So… uh, how long have I been in here?” 

“Three days. We were all really worried about you.” 

“We?” 

Ahsoka shrugged, her eyes still not meeting his. “Me, Barriss, dad… Padme.” 

“Padme?” 

She nodded. “Yeah. I’ll explain later. I wanted to talk to you first, check in on you. Apologize, too.” 

Anakin shook his head. “No, it should be me apologizing. I shouldn’t have kept all of this from you, and I became so selfish and pushed you off to the side a lot of times. I took you for granted, which made me a right asshole.” 

“I’ll agree with that.” 

He let out a short, empty laugh. “Yeah… I’m really sorry, Ahsoka. And you do have every right to be mad at me. I understand.” 

Ahsoka bit the inside of her cheek before she pulled up a chair close to the side of his bed and sat down. “It’s okay, Anakin. I mean, yeah, what you did was pretty shitty, but I didn’t exactly handle it so eloquently either.” 

Anakin couldn’t help but smile at Ahsoka’s refined vocabulary. “Eloquently? Been hanging around Padme and Barriss more often now, haven’t you?” 

“Oh shut up, you,” Ahsoka said, hitting him lightly. “But yeah, no matter what you did, I had no right to kick you while you were already down. I’m sorry.” 

“Apology accepted, Snips. And hey, you got me pretty hard, to be honest. I’m impressed.” 

Ahsoka’s darkened face lit up slightly with a shadow of a smile. “Heh. Thanks, I try. I really did a number on you, didn’t I? Merlin…” 

“Hey, stop with the long face. I deserved it anyway. I was just surprised you could physically hurt me, no wand involved. By the way, congratulations,  _ Captain. _ ” 

“Ah, stop.” The frown returned on her face. “I’m ecstatic to be Captain, but honestly, this wasn’t how I wanted to have it. I feel bad for taking your place.” 

The smile on Anakin’s face dropped. He placed his hand over Ahsoka’s. “Don’t be. It was my fault, okay? I was the dumbass who got suspended. I wouldn’t feel right with any other replacement. You’re the best one for the job, Snips. I know you’ll kill it as Captain, just like you will as Seeker.” 

Ahsoka returned his statement with a more genuine smile. “Thank you, Anakin. Really.” 

Anakin nodded, falling silent for a moment. “Qui-Gon offered me therapy sessions with him while I’m studying from home.” 

“Oh,” the Gryffindor girl looked at him quizzically. “Are you going to take up his offer?”

“I’m not sure.” 

“I think you should. It’d really help you, I think... especially because you’ll be away and I can’t really help you.” 

Anakin stared searchingly at his best friend. He couldn’t help but doubt that was the only reason Ahsoka wanted him to see a therapist. 

“And…?” 

A pause. “To be completely honest, I need time to figure things out on my own. Without you.” 

This time, it was Anakin’s turn to say, “Oh.” 

“I’m really sorry, I just-” 

“No, no, it’s okay. No need to explain yourself. I get it.”

“No, Anakin, I still want to be your friend, maybe even best friends again one day. It’s just… You’ve been my only friend for what seems like forever, and it was always us two. But now, I’m making new friends like Barriss, Padme, and Rex… and I think with some time I’ll finally be able to be my own person.” 

Although Anakin’s heart ached at the fact that Ahsoka seemed much happier without him being such a large presence in her life anymore, a smile graced his face. “I’m really happy for you, Snips.” 

The corners of Ahsoka’s lips curled upward. “Thanks, Skyguy.” 

“Also, don’t think I didn’t catch your blush at Rex’s name. What’s up?” 

“Ugh, how can you go from really sweet to super annoying within two seconds?” 

“ _ Snips _ ,” Anakin pressed. 

“Alright, okay, I have a crush on Rex. One night I accidentally kissed him and he told me he only liked me as a friend and now I wanna hit myself. What the hell do I do?” 

“Wait a minute, wait a minute.  _ Accidentally?”  _

“I… may have gotten drunk one night with the Quidditch team.” 

“Were you safe? Did anyone hurt you? Did you eat something beforehand? Did you drink lots of water?” 

“Yes,  _ dad,”  _ Ahsoka replied with an eye roll. “And no, no one hurt me. Rex was actually the one who took care of me. But seriously, what do I do? Things between him and me are super awkward now.” 

Anakin sighed and sat up. “Tell him how you feel.” 

“But he already knows that I like him.” 

“No, I mean tell him how you feel about things being awkward. Communicate with him. See how he feels about the situation and go from there.” 

“I think that’s the best advice you’ve ever given, Skyguy.” 

“I try. Oh by the way, what happened to your old crush on Ben?” 

Ahsoka’s nose scrunched up in distaste. “Ew, Ben?! I never had a crush on him!” 

Anakin’s brows furrowed in confusion. “You didn’t?”

“NO! I admire him as a student and Quidditch player, but that’s it!” 

“But you’d always talk about him like he was some sort of-” 

“Model student? Yeah, Anakin, because I look up to him!” 

“Oh.” Anakin scratched his head. “You have a weird way of showing it.”

“Piss off,” Ahsoka retorted lightheartedly as she stood up. “I have to go study with Barriss now, but I’ll floo call you sometime, yeah?” 

“Yeah, sounds good- oh wait! Ahsoka?” 

“Yeah?”

“If you see Padme, can you tell her that if she has time if she could drop by? I wanna talk to her and… clear things up.” 

Ahsoka beamed. “I’ll let her know.” 

Anakin watched as his best- no, former best friend - left. Although he had a feeling that if he pulled his weight, things could be alright again. Maybe not the same, but alright. Anakin was perfectly content with alright. 

A few hours later, Padme arrived. Anakin had to take a deep breath before coming clean about why he had ended their relationship. His heart pounded incessantly in his chest the entire time, but Padme’s constant angelic, understanding gaze towards him eased some of his nerves. He was grateful for that. 

“So long story short, I’m gay.” 

Padme immediately wrapped her arms around him. “Thank you for telling me, Anakin. Although much delayed, I appreciate it.” She pulled away with a soft smile. 

Anakin still had an apologetic look. “I really am sorry for everything, Padme.” 

“I don’t think I’m quite ready to forgive you yet, but I do really appreciate your apology, Anakin. But, I don’t think it’s me who needs your apology the most, if I’m being frank.” 

“I know. He doesn’t want to see me right now though. Dr. Jinn told me that he put a magical restraining order on me.” 

Padme frowned, letting the quiet encompass the two of them for a while. Eventually, she replied, “You both will work it out, I know you will.” 

“I don’t know if we will… I really messed up.” 

She sighed. “I know that Ben’s situation with you is completely different from mine, but… time heals all wounds. And I know that Ben has a good heart, so I believe that he’ll be able to see the good in you just as much as I have.” 

“I don’t know how you see it,” Anakin said glumly. 

“It’s a learning process.” 

Anakin snorted, causing Padme to laugh and give him another gentle side hug. 

“Thank you,” he whispered. “You’re an angel.” 

“That line’s not gonna get you anywhere this time,” she teased with a nudge of her shoulder. 

“Ha ha. Very funny.” 

“Very,” she replied gleefully before standing up. 

“So… I take it we’re okay now?” 

Padme nodded. “Like I said, it might take some time for me to fully forgive you, but I’m no longer angry anymore.” 

The Slytherin boy could only find a smile as a decent response before Padme left. 

  
  


~ 

  
  
  


It was only a day later when Anakin was finally released from the Hospital Wing. As he trudged through the halls, despite keeping his head down, everyone’s eyes glued onto his skin. The whispering that followed him was even worse. 

A sharp sting pierced his gut when he approached the doors to the Great Hall. Clutching his abdomen tightly with gritted teeth, he lifted his head and was greeted with the sight of Ben in the distance. He had almost forgotten about the magical restraining order. 

Through his now slightly unfocused vision, he noticed that the Hufflepuff was surrounded by his friends, who began to form a protective barrier between them. His eyes met Ben’s too quickly for even a second to pass by before Anakin lowered his head once more and hurried past them. He hissed at the pain similar to a stake driving into his stomach before it tapered. 

After descending down into the Slytherin dorms, he found his belongings back in his room. Ben must have transported them back here somehow. Regardless of how they returned, Anakin flipped his trunk open and began shoving all of his clothing inside. 

To his chagrin, the door swung open behind him, allowing his ever-so delightful dormmate Quinlan Vos into the room. 

Both Slytherin students were willfully silent as they went about their separate endeavors. Anakin continued packing while Quinlan Vos gathered study materials on his desk. 

“Give him time, Skywalker.” 

Anakin shot his head up and turned to face the dark-haired man with a questioning look. “Sorry?” 

“Give him time. He’s curled up into his shell right now because his entire sense of reality has been shattered.” 

“Yeah,” Anakin muttered as he lowered his head. 

“But,” Quinlan continued emphatically, “I know Kenobi. He’s a Hufflepuff through and through. He won’t hate you forever.” 

Anakin had no idea what to respond other than a quiet, “Thanks.” 

Quinlan merely gruffed in response before grabbing his study materials and leaving the room. 

After a while, Anakin finished his packing and charmed the trunk so he could place it in his pocket. When he exited the Slytherin Common Room, he found himself walking into Professor Plo’s classroom. 

Anakin’s footsteps faltered at the sight of the Potions Master sitting at his desk grading papers as usual. For some reason, the sight of the classroom as if what had happened a few nights ago had never occurred sent ice through his veins. 

“Professor?” Anakin called out hesitantly. 

Professor Plo lifted his head up from the desk and gave the Slytherin student a warm smile. “Anakin! Don’t be shy, come in. Oh, will you close the door behind you?” 

Anakin nodded and closed the front door before approaching his usual cauldron. He froze and gave the professor a questioning look. 

With kind eyes, the professor nodded. Anakin sighed in relief as he started gathering ingredients for his latest brew. 

“What are you brewing today?” 

“Dreamless Sleep.” 

“Ah,” Professor Plo nodded. “Different from the Draught of Living Death, I’m hoping?” 

Anakin answered with a wordless nod as he placed all of his ingredients on the desk and began using the pestle to crush the lavender sprigs.

“How are you, Anakin, really?” 

“I’ve been better.” He added the Flobberworm Mucus and two measures of Standard Ingredient into the cauldron and turned up the heat. 

“Have you considered Dr. Jinn’s offer?” 

Anakin paused and flickered his eyes up to Professor Plo, who sat on the desk across from him. 

“You didn’t have to do that, you know. Have him offer me free therapy sessions. I’m sure I could find some work and pay for it myself-” 

“Anakin,” Professor Plo chimed in gently, “I assure you, it’s okay. I want you to be okay.” 

“But I freaked you out that night, Professor. You were scared of me.” 

“It’s true that I was scared, but I wasn’t scared of you. I was scared  _ for  _ you. I was scared that your mental instability would get you killed and… it almost did. And I couldn’t even do anything. I wish I could’ve...” 

Anakin’s heart throbbed painfully at the break in Professor Plo’s voice before he trailed off. He wished he could just disappear so he could stop causing people pain. Especially the people that he loved. Ben hated him, and despite being on fairly decent terms with Ahsoka and Padme, they were all still hurting because of  _ him.  _

He wasn’t sure if he could still live with that or with himself. It hurt knowing that he was the monster in his own loved ones’ stories. 

Shaking himself from his thoughts, he added three measures of the lavender paste into the cauldron and waved his wand before slumping back into his chair. 

“I can always finish it for you if you have to go soon.” 

“That’d be great, Professor.” 

“I’ll owl it to your home first thing tomorrow.” 

Anakin tilted his head in response as he folded his arms across his chest, gazing at the simmering cauldron in front of him. 

“Need to say goodbye to anyone? You can go ahead and I’ll watch the potion.” 

“Nah, I’m okay. Half of the school hates me, I think.” 

“I’m sure it will pass in time. Things like this always do.” 

“I’m pretty sure that no student has ever fucked up as badly as I did,” Anakin muttered. 

“Now I know for certain that that’s not true, Anakin.” 

“Is it?” 

“Tom Riddle?” 

“Okay, fine, but he doesn’t count.” 

“Fred and George Weasley have certainly done some noteworthy damage to this school.” 

“They didn’t have ill intentions like I did.” 

“Sure they did. They wanted to cause chaos to earn a few laughs. But despite all of those pranks and other mischievous endeavors they’ve pulled, they were still good men.” 

“I’m not a good man.” 

“You can be, Anakin.” 

He winced at that.  _ Can be. So he wasn’t. At least not right now.  _ Then he remembered what Dr. Jinn had told him about do-overs and restarts. He may not be a good person right now, but maybe, just maybe, he could be better so his friends wouldn’t hurt anymore. 

It was settled. He would find a way to be good again. He’d do it for them, especially for Ben. 

“I’ll take up his offer, Plo.” 

The Potions Master’s lips quirked up into a small, proud smile. “I’ll let him know, then.” 

Anakin exhaled heavily as he stood up and walked with Professor Plo towards the fireplace in the office attached to the classroom. He used a bit of floo powder to activate the transportation system. 

He turned his head to his favorite professor. “I never did properly thank you, did I?”

Professor Plo shot him a wry smile. “You can thank me when you come back.” 


End file.
